Sunday, March 27, 2005

Effing Groundhogs

Groundhogs suck.
Oh sure, they look cute in pictures.
Kind of like little bears.

In reality, they suck.
They dig holes in your property (barn, basement, shed, whatever), and refuse to relenquish property.

I tried two approaches:

1. The John Kerry/Democratic approach - Please leave Mister Groundhog, as you are causing me harm and damage. I will consider sanctions if you shant depart. (this DID NOT WORK).

2. The GW Bush approach - Where I tell them, "Leave, or I will kill you", (and then kill them).

Approach number two actually worked.
Killing them is fun and effective.
I suggest a live trap, lettuce (they love that) and then a 22 long-rifle shell to the cranium.

Reasoning with them did not work worth a slap in the ass.

There are parellells between groundhogs and terrorists. Groundhogs aren't as stinky, though. Also, a groundhog won't kill you for not worshipping other groundhogs.


Anonymous said...


bloggy said...

Probably need a .223 for a terrorist.

Anonymous said...

I'm shocked by your intolerance. Groundhogs perform a valuable service to the community - once every spring. Is it their fault they have to live underground? God made them that way - if He hadn't, how could they "come out of their hole and see their shadow"? There may be no other poor animal that is so maligned and misunderstood as is the cute little groundhog. Did I mention "unappreciated"? I bet you voted for Bush, didn't you? Yep, another gun-totin', groundhog-hatin', intolerant, and undiversified Republican. Well, next year, you'll just have to WONDER how many weeks of winter are left!!!


The Conservative UAW Guy said...

My intolerance is only exceeded by my ignorance and stupidity.
And... I voted for Bush - 3,000,000 times.

karanadon137 said...

The nice thing about ground hogs is you can shoot them and leave there ugly, bloody bodies lie. Any other hunting you have to be a good sportsman and clean your kill. I prefer using my 30-30 rifle. It causes more pain. MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!

The Conservative UAW Guy said...

karandon137 you are correct.
There is no protocol for groundhog disposal. That is sweet.

However, more pain. Eh, if that's what you're into. It's only a groundhog.
But, be aware that serial-killers start out causing animals pain.

Maybe you are not consuming enough alcolhol on a daily basis.

The Conservative UAW Guy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Hey karanadon,

On second thought, I do have one groundhog that is pissing me off?

He's playing hard to get.

Could I borrow your 30-30