Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Hot Dang! More English Lessons

There has been some discussion in the comments, and elsewhere, about what a dirty hippy is. In the interests of edifying my 2's of 3's of readers, I have supplied some clarification on this issue.

Disclaimer: OK, geez. Don’t be offended if you have long hair. For one thing, the old CUGster here had a pony-tail half-way down his back for years, so there! The other thing is: this is humor, you long-haired freak, so get over it! Don't be a sissy! Remember, HUMOR! Moving on…

The definitions of dirty hippies are fluid, ever-changing definitions.
Consider these definitions as living, breathing, smelly definitions, kind of like how liberals view the US constitution.
These definitions are based on cultures and sub-cultures that pertain to ours (the US) and other (them other foreign guys) countries. These definitions, as you shall see, are not necessarily physical descriptions, although they can be. Being a dirty hippy can be, and quite often is, more a state of mind than a physical condition.
The state-of-minder ones generally don’t smell…uh, as bad.

The CUG, being kind-hearted, all-caring, and darn sure committed to YOU – THE READER – has amassed some definitions from our friends at Urban Dictionary.com.
There are actually 27 definitions, so in the interest of fairness, I only picked the ones that I liked best, and the ones that only make my point, and my point alone. (I didn’t say who it was fair to!)

CAUTION: Some of these definitions have language that is generally not used on the CUG website, and is more often heard coming out of the mouths of dirty hippies talking about Republicans, conservatives, or the police when they are confiscating their weed. Of course, being the tactful guy that I am, I have used characters in place of some letters to protect the easily offended, and the children. You want to protect the children, don't you?



23. hippy
People who say they're trying to make a difference in the world,
but all they ever do is smoke weed.

ex: frigging hippies stealing my flowers



14. Hippy
Person who usually smells very funny.

ex: Hey! Hide the money under the soap! The Hippy will never find it!




12. hippy
Someone who rejects war and military actions, simply because the
Conservatives who support those actions also try to limit the ways in which the
pathetic jerks can alter their consciousness.

ex: Every time a person eats a steak, a Hippy loses his high.




8. hippy
upper middle-class white kids who spend their parents' money on
weed and spend their time cursing god because they were born into a life that
billions struggle to attain.

ex: Your opinions on world issues are meaningless, hippy.


7. hippy
Hippies are peace loving, d*** s*****g, a******s. They think that
no matter what, the environment should be saved at the expense of normal people.
Normal places of sightings include: vegetarian cafes, Ralph
Nader
rallies, protests, San Francisco, Portland, Oregon, Greenwich Village,
New York, France, Europe, Canada, poetry readings, pot circles, sh**ty music
festivals, gay bars, tied to trees, flag burning parties, Reed College,
UC-Berkley, any college, and jail.

ex: Hippies Suck A## Dude


Interesting, eh? In addition to the pre-fab definitions, here is some anecdotal information as well: When I saw GW (yee-haw!) at Toledo, OH there were definitely some dirty hippies protesting.
You could tell they were dirty hippies because:

A. They were dirty enough you could tell they were dirty from a half-mile down the road.

B. They looked like stereotypical hippies, with long hair and dirty clothes
and tie-dyes.

C. They looked un-employed by choice.

D. Or maybe they were unemployed
because only a moron would hire someone that was dirty and/or smelled. Of course
in the US, that would probably get the ACLU on your behind for discriminating
against dirty hippies and the French.

E. They had signs with stupid
slogans on them, as well as misspelled words (stupid college students!).

F. You could see odiferous molecules in the air, even from across the
street.

Note to Democrats – If you want to change peoples’ minds, please send
people to protest that look like they’ve had a job in the last 10 years.
Also, please have them bathe. This really impresses Republicans, as they
will vote for a Marxist in a heartbeat if he is clean and wears a nice suit!



Here are some bonus examples of dirty hippies, commies, pinkos, moonbats, tin-foil hatters, and other rat-b###ards deserving of ridicule and scorn (sorry Jesus!).

Michael Moore -ACCCK BLARRGGGG (CLUNK!): No more need be said.

Hillary Clinton - Leftist Satanist/Stalinist feminazi who between her and her husband Billalzabub actually sold nuclear missle and guidance system technological secrets to the sinister Red Chinese. Hooray! Helping your enemies (that want you dead or enslaved) to be on an even keel with you is a good thing. Murderous, malevolent, communist dictatorships should be super-powers, too!! Because we're all equal...

Jane Fonda - Still a traitor, and a commie.

Ted Kennedy - Actually counts as 3 dirty hippies, plus 1 killer!

Chuck Schumer - Two-faced smarmy, anti-gun senator from NY. You don't need a gun in New York, because their crime rate is so low! Check out his Branch Davidian testimony sometime! A real prince. Plus, his voice produces a sensation not unlike biting on tinfoil. (Note there are both of the NY senators on this list - stupid blue staters!)

Ted Rall - ACCCCKKKKKK! BLARRRGGGG! KABOOM! (Head explodes).
God I hate Ted Rall!!! (Sorry Jesus!)
Wait, I mean, as a Christian, I love and forgive Ted Rall for being an evil, racist, commie, dirty-hippy, puppy-blending, baby-duck stomping, Marxist asshat. (AAAAAAHHHHHGGGGG!)
I lied! Man-oh-man, DAMN IT, do I hate Ted Rall. I'll bet he even smokes.
Why, if I wasn't a civilized person, I would beat the living hell out of Michael Moore with Ted Rall's limp and seemingly lifeless body until they both went into persistent vegetative states! Let's see the Dems pull the tube on their patron saint MUHAHAHAHA!
I will start to pray for Ted Rall, as soon as I can pray for something other than him having a house fall on him, or him expiring from a slow-acting, painful, fatal venereal disease contracted from goats or penguins.
(I’m TRYING to be good!! It’s just really hard to do!!!)
(Sorry x10 Jesus).
Stupid Ted Rall!

Here are some other dirty commies:
All the asshats that said they would leave the country if GW Bush won the election.
(We’re WAITING!!!! – impatiently tapping foot, looking at watch, hands on hips ala John Bolton.)

Also, GEORGE SOROS, Molly Ivans, Marilou Johanek (ack!!!), Ward Churchill (chuuhhh...), nearly any editor of almost any newspaper, especially The New York Times, USA Today, Toledo Blade, LA Times, etc. Nearly anyone in TV news. There are a few conservatives that show up in these places, but they are by far the minority.
Except for on FOX NEWS, BABY!!!! WOO-HOO!!! FOX ROCKS!!!!! FAIR AND BALANCED!

I would mention Air America, but then I would get all kinds of emails and comments from people saying things like “What?”, or “Who?”, or “Does it have Rush Limbaugh on it?”. So I will forgo that.

(Of course, I could list 98.473% of Hollywood, but that would just take too much time.)

So, I hope all this alearnin’ helps you in your endeavors in life, and likewise, I hope it has enlightened you some.

Word.

CUG

The opinions expressed here are that of the author, who could give a rat’s butt what dirty hippies and commies think. Copyright CUG 2005-whatever.

18 comments:

zorgon said...

I think you were to nice to Ted "dirty-commie-asshole" Rall.



Type in "ted rall asshole" into google - over 27,000 hits right off the bat.

wyatt earp said...

Actually counts as 3 dirty hippies and one killer!

LOL! not bad, cug!

Anonymous said...

Cug, you have me confused. What is the difference between a dirty hippy and a tree huger?

-bennie

freudz wet dream said...

I'm not listening, I'm not listening.....la la la la la....I'm not listening.

The Conservative UAW Guy said...

bennie - I forgot to put tree-hugger in there.

No practical difference, generally idealogically the same, although there are probably some exceptions!:)

FWD - C'mon, at least the Ted Kennedy thing is funny !;)

freudz wet dream said...

You had me at Michael Moore -ACCCK BLARRGGGG (CLUNK!)

pete said...

agreed with 99.9997% of what you said ..... the .0003% disagreement is that some parts of Canada - esp. Alberta where dirty hippies are deported to Vancounver immediately upon discovery, should not be considered as "Canada".

freudz wet dream said...

On behalf of Canadians everywhere, the US can gladly have Alberta.

The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Yes, but do we actually want Alberta?
Can we trade you like, Berkley, CA or something?

JebTexas said...

Wait, if it's a trade they want, lets give 'em the blue counties. That gets rid of the dirty hippie asstard leftwing nut jobs, as well as the [redundency alert] dimmocraps, plus we get to keep the patriotic red areas around the "people's republic of..." zones. In trade for this all we want is a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. Well, it's a great deal for us! (Might be a bad deal even for them, but hey! sucks to be them anyway.)

freudz wet dream said...

I'll see your Berkley CUG, and raise you 1 Alberta and 1/2 of Quebec.

freudz wet dream said...

This is getting better and better Jeb. We'll take new york, You can keep anything along the bible belt.

JebTexas said...

Oh FWD, if only we could actually trade away some asshats and moonbats that easily! It would be worth the loss of some real estate, and the Republican plans for world domination could then proceed apace! Unfortunately, these asstards will be with us always. As for New Yo'k, I figure if God does a Soddom-and-Gomorra on ANYPLACE other than Las Vegas (197 newspaper pages of ho adverts every day) it will be New Yo'k that gets squished.(thank you Jesus!) Plus, it's filled with damnyankees, AND it's north of the Mason-Dixon line. Good riddance. Anyway, we have D/FW which is twice as clean, 147 times as well armed, 3 times better air, 1/2547 times as crowded, has infinitly better looking girls, and is actually IN the great State of Texas!

freudz wet dream said...

why the hell would you need a pretty girl? You're republican for shit sake.

Anonymous said...

HEY! Republicans can get pretty girls.
They buy them at conventions!

JebTexas said...

FWD, if that's not the pot calling the kettle black, I don't know what is. Everyone knows the loser left is the group populated with "alternate lifestyles," remember? (He shoots! He scores!) Us repubs are the wife-beating, gun totin', F.A.G. beating group, right? Please get you slurs at least partly correct, or else everyone will continue to laugh at you.

freudz wet dream said...

being laughed at by a republican is like like being snubbed by a crack whore.

Anonymous said...

I thought that all republicans and lesbians were basically crack whores at heart. Snubbing your clone, now THAT's funny.

hey cug, maybe you should think about renaming the "comments" section to "FWD against the world"

And while I'm jumping on FWD, your article about the Chinese comparing penis size..... wooooooopi....
THEY ARE CHINESE FOR GOD'S SAKE !!!!! they copy everything. for example.... China has the worlds largest stash of coal, but they run their electric generating plants on oil so the world won't think of them as a backwards country. Not to mention that no one has showed them how to build a scrubber, as if clean air mattered to them. The original chinese made godzilla suit caught on fire, so they had one made in the U.S. Just before WWII went big time, they imported a steam locomotive from the U.S., the war ended further shipments, so they copied the locomotive exactly.... even the huge dent in the boiler. Why? because they are STUPID CHINESE. The only country that rates below the French and Italians. What they should have done is compare the weight of a flacid Chinese penis to the weight of a flacid Chinese brain.

'just tired of the bitchin