Friday, April 01, 2005

Interview: Real Leader of The Democratic Party

Conservative UAW Guy:
So Satan, how the hell are you. No pun intended.


Satan (after slipping out of his Michael Schiavo suit):
Good. Good. We finally got Terri killed.
Damn, did that take a long time, or what?

Boy, that girl could really hold on, couldn't she? Almost seemed like she wanted to live or something. But we know better don't we?

CUG:
Ah, Mr. Moore, this is a no-spin zone.
Of course she wanted to live!
Do not try to seduce me with your lies.
Dumbass.


Satan:
Sorry.
Who would have thought she would have that kind of tenacity? That really hurt us in the polls. Evil is a tough sell out there some days.


CUG:
So Mr. Dean, how do you assess the situation so far? And could you please not shape-shift after every question? That's really annoying.

Satan:
Sorry. Well, we still have much evil to spread. But it seems to be taking hold, especially in the media and large cities (you know, the blue areas).

Here’s what you have. About half the country is cheering the murder of 46 million babies, and the murder of a cripple. And… they’re incensed if you tell them that’s wrong.

At the same time, the same group is whining about killing terrorists and making them look like fags ala Guantonomo. Evil is indeed protecting those who want to kill the innocent with indiscriminant violence and mayhem. Overall, I am pleased.

This is what we call progress.
That is why I came up with the name progressives.

If you would have told me 40 years ago I could have this kind of following, I would have called you a wide-eyed optimist.
(Sniff!) (Dabs tear).

CUG:
Wow. So Mr. Rather (Slap! – Satan: OWW!) what else do you need for successful evilification of the planet? And what did I tell you about shape-shifting?
Don’t make me bitch-slap you again.


Satan:
Sorry. Well, abortion is probably the cornerstone of our mission. If you can get people to kill babies, they’ll darn near kill anything.
Of course, they won’t kill murderers, terrorists, baby-rapers, or abortion doctors, as they are part of the overall plan, and therefore enjoy protected status.
However, tards, feebs, geezers, gun-owners, Christians, Republicans, and corporate executives (if they’re Republicans) are all fair game.


CUG:
Well Mr. Daschle... (Slap – SLAP!)


Satan:
Oww – OWWWW! Why did you slap me twice?


CUG:
Sorry. The first was for shape-shifting. The other one was just for the fact that I’ve always wanted to bitch-slap Tom Daschle.


Satan:
Yeh, I get that sentiment a lot. Let's take a break. I've got to check my e (eds note: for EVIL!) mail.


To be continued…..

6 comments:

Wyatt Earp said...

The "double-daschle-bitch-slap"!

You read my mind!

Anonymous said...

Where is part 2??????

Freddy said...

Dude,
You are a total freak!

John said...

All autoworkers are total freaks, it's inherent in our nature. :)
btw-CUG,

I'm glad to see someone in our union speaking up with a conservative voice. While I'm a center-right liberatarian or whatever, I'm totaly sick of the union backing whatever Dem candidate that comes along.

I would suggest you try and fisk a Solidarity article but I'm afraid your head might explode trying. :P

Thanks brother. :)

John

The Conservative UAW Guy said...

John,

The Solidarity article is a good idea.

I'll see what I can come up with.

Maybe I can wrap my head in a towel to avert an explosion.

another conservative guy said...

liberals suck!