Friday, April 15, 2005

U.S. Marshals Nab Over 10,000 in Dragnet

WASHINGTON — More than 10,000 fugitives wanted for murder, rape, child abuse and other crimes have been arrested in the largest coordinated crackdown by federal, state and local law enforcement officials in history.

From Fox News, see the whole story here:

10,000 Democrats Swept Off Streets

Ok, ok. One of them was an independent.

Democrats were lamenting the loss of 10,000 votes for an average sentence of 9 years (ranging from 5 to life).

In an exclusive interview, the CUG talked to Michael Moore, about this unprecedented sweep.

Moore: "This is a disgrace! The Bush Administration is disenfranchising good, kind-hearted, honest, well-meaning, murders, rapists, child-molesters, and thieves so they can't vote in 2006 and 2008. Plus, this administration killed Bambi!

CUG: Don't many states, including my state of Ohio, let convicted felons vote?

Moore: Yes. But not while they are still in prison! This is patently unfair. We need violent criminals, the homeless, clueless college students, sheltered communist proffessors, and people incapable of making it on their own to elect our leaders!

CUG: Isn't it a bad idea to actively promote letting the dregs of society make the decisions on who will run this country? Especially if they are too lazy and stupid to make it to the polls?

Moore: You're Hitler! You're a fascist! You're a racist! You're white! Haliburton! Haliburton!

CUG: Gosh, I thought I was pragmatic. Didn't those Hitler and racist arguments go out with the 2004 election?

Moore: Hitler! Double-Hitler! CUG IS A BUG. HE'S ON A DRUG! CUG lied, kids died!

CUG: Damn! You're such a dumbass! Don't you know those rhyming slogans only work on tin-foil hat wearing commies, filthy hippies, and the mentally defective?

Moore: Oh, sorry. I forgot I was talking to the SO PERFECT UAW GUY.

CUG: That's Conservative UAW Guy.

Moore: Oh yeah. But I've got Moore money than you could ever dream about! So I am better than you.

CUG: Yeah, you have more money, but you still suck. All the money in the world can't change that. And, there is a good chance that you will go to hell.
(Dear Jesus, please let me make this one call...Amen.)
Also, if money made great people, you should love Dick Cheney.

Moore: Oh yeah, I forgot about that stuff. Damn, you think science could at least get rid of this smell I have.

CUG: Yes, you are a stinky, bloated, un-educated, communist, media-whore that reaps all the benefits of capitalism and a free market while hypocritically decrying it, but Christians are still praying for you, when they are not busy mocking you.

Moore: Cheney is Lamey! Condi is Doe-Dondy! Haliburton fo' certain. Rats!

CUG: Dude; chill! You're spazzing. Look, how is that whole If-Bush-gets-re-elected-everyone-under-65-will-get-drafted-in-5-minutes thing working out?

Moore: Shut up.

CUG: Well, there you have it. Straight from the whales mouth.

Keep checking back with CUG Headline News for the straight dope.


Copyright CUG Headline News 2005, 2006, whatever it takes.


Anonymous said...

Haliburton fo' certain?

Sup wit dat?

Anonymous said...

I pitty the fooool who messes with yooouu.
Brought to you by the makers of Mr T.'s
Dialog from pretty much everything he was ever in.

The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Thanks, S-tay.
You da man!

another conservative guy said...

Dang you Moore! Dang yooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuu!