Wednesday, July 06, 2005

About Time We Did Something Right.

Hard-hitting news analysis by CUG News.
(Don't make me hit you hard, too!!! READ CUG!!!)

Boo-hoo-hoo! The evil, imperialistic United States is keeping its ball. (But it's not going home!)

From My Way News:

U.S. to Retain Oversight of Web Traffic.

Jul 2, 8:00 PM (ET)


Any relation to Michael Moore?
FRANKFURT, Germany (AP) - A unilateral decision by the United States to indefinitely retain oversight of the Internet's main traffic-directing computers prompted concerns Friday that the global telecommunications network could eventually splinter.

Notice how the AP gets that word unilateral in there at the first opportunity. EEEK! The whole network could splinter! The sky is falling!!! Haliburton causes global warming!

"This seems like an extension of American security in the aftermath of 9-11," said John Strand, a Denmark-based technology consultant. "People will ask: 'Do the Americans want to control the Internet?'"


Washington's decision, announced Thursday, departs from previously stated U.S. policy.

Translation: Someone finally pulled their heads out of their butts.

Many countries favor gradually releasing oversight of the Internet's so-called "root servers" to an international body, and a showdown on the issue could come in November at a U.N. information society summit to be held in Tunisia. A U.N. report this month on Internet governance is expected to address the issue.

Many countries suck. They hate the US. They look for any opportunity to take the US down, and/or weaken it. Generally, if the UN wants it, I am probably agin it.

Michael D. Gallagher, an assistant secretary at the U.S. Commerce Department, said in announcing the policy shift Thursday that it was a response to growing security threats and increased reliance on the Internet globally for communications and commerce.

Translation for liberals: "Assistant Secratary Mikey says there are baaaad, baaad people out there, and only idiots or the truly evil would give bad people the keys to their house."

Maybe people that would do such things actually hate their children.

But the explanation did little to allay fears that the United States is overstepping its boundaries and locking its grip on the Internet, which as history's most powerful communications tool lets people do everything from sell secondhand shoes to promote Jihad or criticize authoritarian regimes.

Yeah, overstepping boundaries and locking its grip on the thing it conceptualized, invented, designed, built, and has maintained with little problem. My connection works fine. Yours?

Patrik Linden, a spokesman for the foundation that runs the Swedish national domain .se, called the U.S. announcement "rather confrontational" but said the move was what a lot of Internet experts thought Washington had always intended.

Patrik Linden, who spells his name funny, expressed disappointment that the US was being smart, and is doing exactly what his country would do in the same circumstances. Linden later admitted there is not much danger of Sweden being a super-power anytime soon.
He surmised the whole plan must have been the dang Republicans, as liberals quake, cower, and sometimes pee themselves when someone says the word "confrontational".
(What are good slurs for Swiss people? Blondie? Wait, I know - "Hey Blondie, you're French!!" Dang, I don't know. A little help, kind readers?)

A Japanese government official said the declaration was sure to provoke debate. "When the Internet is being increasingly utilized for private use, by businesses and so forth, there is a societal debate about whether it's befitting to have one country maintaining checks on that," said Masahiko Fujimoto of the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications' data communications division.

That's a little more respectful than Blondie was. My opinion, with no slurs, and to answer
Mr. Fujimoto (that's Smith, in Japan) -
Yes, it is befitting to have one country maintaining the checks, as long as it's the US. You know, the guys with the most to lose. The country that everyone hates, while secretly wishing they lived here.
Except for US liberals, and they need to leave.
By the way, Canada isn't far enough, and they don't want you anyway. Most of them are just to polite to say it to you...

The "root servers" in question - 13 computers located mostly in the United States - are the Internet's master directories. They tell Web browsers and e-mail programs how to direct traffic, and Internet users the world over interact with them every day, though most without knowing it.

Most of these servers are in the states; imagine that. That's because we INVENTED IT! We should outright own the whole dang internet and charge rent! Mucho rent for whiners. They're using it for free now, right?
Gee, how about a "Thanks, United States Military, for inventing one of the greatest tools ever conceived for business, communications, and for spreading information and freedom"?
Huh? Maybe?
Well, you're welcome anyway. Asshats.

Robert Shaw, an policy adviser with the Geneva-based International Telecommunication Union, said he understood the basis for the U.S. decision: Root servers and other address-resolving computers lower down the traffic-management chain are vital and merit protecting just as much as cities, water supplies and highways.

Finally, a foreign guy with a clue.

"Many governments are legitimately concerned that another country has ultimate control of basically their communications infrastructure," he said. Some countries have pressed to move oversight of the root servers to an international body such as the ITU, a United Nations group.

Thanks, but no.

Though physically in private hands, the root servers contain government-approved lists of the 260 or so Internet suffixes, such as ".com,"".net" and country designators like ".fr" for France or ".no" for Norway.

Once the CUG is in charge, some designators will change.
For example, conservative US sites will be ".kick-ass", while for France, it will be changed from ".fr" to ".cheese-eating-surrender-monkeys-with-questionable-hygiene".
Liberal US sites will be designated as ".gay" and ".dirty-hippy-traitor".

Yeah, they're a little longer, but I think you'll all agree it is worth it for the descriptiveness
designed to protect the children. For goodness sakes, think about the children!

Naji Haddad, a Lebanese owner of a Web business, believes the U.S. decision will splinter the Internet.

If it splinters, we'll glue it. How the hell is this guy qualified to speak on this matter? Cause he sells crap on Ebay? Why didn't they ask me?
Hey, how about you can have the whole Internet Backbone to make up for being technologically behind, and we'll call it even?
Remember the AT+T breakup? Ruined the best phone system in the world. Only took 25 years to fix. Maybe the UN will give control to Syria or Iran or some of our other friends.

"The announcement will definitely drive countries and organizations toward creating private solutions similar to what is currently offered by and (alternative naming systems), which will result in fracturing the global Internet into several networks," Haddad said.

In a worst-case scenario, countries refusing to accept U.S. control could establish their own separate versions of the Domain Name System, thereby making addresses in some regions unreachable in others.

Good. Make your own! Make it better. That's the free market pal! Send me an email when it's ready (if you can).

The U.S. government has historically played the role of overseer because it funded much of the
Internet's early development. And while it is not known to have interfered in any major sense with traffic-routing affecting other countries, that does not ease concerns that such interference could occur.

Funded much of it. Good one.
Hasn't interfered, but you never know. Don't worry, your evil European kiddy porn and intriguing-but-wrong Asian porn sites are safe with us! You have the Supreme Court on your side! Anything goes in America. Woo-hoo! Firearms and private property aren't protected, but your porn is safe.
Until we get 2 conservatives on the bench. Heh-heh.

"It's not going to work in the long run to have the USA deciding everything by themselves," said Patrik Faltstrom, one of Sweden's foremost Internet experts.

Oh, I think it will work. It has so far. It will in the future. Sorry about not exposing our underbelly to all our enemies, Blondy. Hey, couldn't you guys find an American foremost Internet expert's opinion?
Don't worry, maybe if Hillary wins, she'll give it away like the missle and guidance technology she and Billazabub gave to the Democratic Party Red Chinese - oops!- I mean the Communist Red Chinese.

AP reporters Natalie Obiko Pearson in Tokyo, Mattias Karen in Stockholm, Sweden, and Zeina Karam in Beirut, Lebanon, contributed to this report.

This report was put together by a bunch of foreigners that hate America. So it must be all true. Fair and Balanced.

The internet is ours! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Soon it will be overrun with conservative blogs! We own the net, we own talk-radio. We're taking over cable news (go Fox!). Bow to our superiority!
Yee-Haw! And happy Independence Day! (It's not too late if you're on the metric system, right?)

Copyright CUG Headline News 2005, year of the CUG.

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