Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Does This Look Like a "Nutty Right-Winger" to You?

Moonbatty has an evil plan to divide and eliminate conservatives. (She's so bad!)
I think her plan is to promote discord among the conservative ranks, because she has been emboldened by the Meirs' fiasco, unrestrained spending, non-existent border-control policies and other clear liberal proclivities exhibited by many so-called Republicans.

She made a suggestion to have death-matches/duels between conservative bloggers.
She furthermore suggested that we were "nutty righty bloggers" and additionally commented regarding a post I made that contained a picture of an M1919A4 - "Hah, you just put that up after I posted the question about "who would win in a four-way duel?" - MB

To this I say:


Two points:
1. Regarding the totally way-cool M1919A4 picture -
No, the gun picture was not in response to your dueling post.
For the record, THIS (below) is a picture I would post regarding dueling!
(Click picture for an even more magnificent view!)

2. Does this picture look like a picture of a "nutty righty blogger" to you? neither.
Look at the friendly smile I have! That "come hither" twinkle in my eye.
This looks like a responsible, prepared, hard-bodied, freedom-loving American, with a high sense of (not gay) fashion. For you lefties, also note the worker-friendly UAW belt buckle! :)

Likewise, note the pretty blue vest (with trauma plate!) for protection against armed gun-grabbers who are the minions of the left (hypocrites by definition!).
The mask is designed for protection against smelly-hippy BO, reefer smoke, and patchouli stench.
The NRA hat optional, but I really like it, because it pisses off liberals.

Moving on...

Moonbatty suggested death-matches involving the following conservative bloggers:

Citizen Grim(from RHOG)

A little background about me and the "nuts":

Grim and I (and Xeno) have a history. We've been around the same sections of the sphere for a while now (blogosphere, that is...swimmin' pools, movie-stars...).

I think RHOG, and thusly Grim and Xeno, totally freakin' rock. I think they are epitome of kick-ass blogging.
Also, they heard of me once, and totally sort of know who I am..
(They ultimately dropped the stalking charges against me due to lack of evidence).

Macstansbury, likewise rules, and I don't believe there is any bad blood betwixt us.
(Plus, I have dirt on him. Heh.)

jimmyb - Is me, and is beyond reproach. Also, he is brilliant, attractive, witty, hygienic, well-armed and amply endowed.
(I don't want, anybody else, when I think about me, I link myself...)

Difster, on the other hand...

Falling blindly for Moonbatty's nefarious plot to reduce the number of conservatives on the planet, Difster collapsed into said plot like a swooning school-girl facing a potentially (but not) rabid, toothless chipmunk, and decided he could kill the other bloggers listed with no problems.
He subsequently posted about his plan to do me, your humble and lovable host, great bodily harm.

My wife said if all bloggers were like the Difmeister, there would only be whiny-assed Dems left...*shudder*, as we conservatives would all wipe each other out.
(My wife rocks, as one can plainly see.)

Here's what the Difinator said about yours truly:
JimmyB. (according to his blog) is a life long NRA member but a cursory search of his blog turned up no evidence of military training. In a four way duel I'd take him down first.
To this I say:

1. Is that an insult or a compliment that you would take me out first?
First because I'm the most psychotic and dangerous, or first because YOU HATE MY GUTS the most? (By the way, I am the king of FIRST!!! Just ask anyone!).

2. My military training is classified and top secret.
Perhaps even non-existent. But we'll never know because IT'S A SECRET!

3. If you only did a cursory search of my site, I consider that rude. Read it all!! I need the traffic!!! SHEESH!

4. Do not underestimate my super conservative powers, or the fact that I have over 600,000 union brothers that hate conservatives!!!
Well, ok, I'm a conservative, but I'm in the union already, and I have seniority, so they hate you more than they hate me.
You'd be safer messing with La Cosa Nostra or the Red Chinese army, pal.
My might, and the powers of collective bargaining, are not to be trifled with.

5. Instead of dueling, we may have to roshambo (Cartman style) to settle this.
I get to go first.

6. I'm just a lovable font of knowledge and modern wisdom. Why would anyone wish me ill?
People are always picking on the CUGster. :(

7. And for the love of pete, Difster, please tell me that's not a 9mm you have in your header picture!
It kind of looks like one. You might kill me, but I might have to call you a p#$$y before I die!
(If it's a .40 or .45, you have my apologies.
Maybe your huge, misshapen head makes the .45 muzzle look like a 9mm hole! If that is the case, I'm sorry about your disfigurement. This could, however, provide some insight into your heretofore unexplained hostility towards people who agree with you, and who have done you no harm, at the whim of commie-leftist-moonbats. Even nice ones like the evil Moonbatty!)

8. I love guns.

9. I love guns. (Yeah, I know I said it before, but I really love guns! Yee-haw!)

10. Kung-Fu fighting to the death is still an option. (Is it a duel without firearms or swords?)

Now while the Disser is cavalierly discussing terminating fine upstanding fellow conservative hippy-hating citizens, I was taking a different tack how this would all play out...

Grim and jimmyb In the Octagon.

Grim and jimmyb are dropped into the octagon, armed to the pearly-white conservative teeth. After a grueling battle, jimmyb is at the mercy of Citizen Grim.
It looks grim (pun intented).

Grim is about to smite jimmyb...
He yells, "This one is for Michael Moore, you rich, racist, warmongering misogynist!".

BUT! Unbeknownst to the drug-addled, Moore-onic liberal crowd, this is yet another clever, Karl Rove-inspired ruse!!!
Immediatly, jjimmyb and Grim turn upon the fetid crowd, and proceed to slaughter everyone who claps or yells affirmations to the Michael Moore comment. They also waste anyone who even has a hint of being pro-gun control. Just on general principle.
It is a total blood-bath.

Psychotic moonbats, commie proffessors, DUmbasses, KOSsacks and dirty-hippies perish by the tens-of-thousands. Tye-dyes and "Not My President" tees are accentuated by blood and ichor, via fire and steel and lead. Lots of lead.
The stench of hate, cowardice, hypocrisy, and THC laden blood is palpable. It almost overwhelms the BO smell.
The whole scene is ugly and beautiful at the same time.

The baby Jesus smiles.
Grim laughs maniacally.
jimmyb says, "Sweeeeeeet".

It is karma.

Exausted, but fulfilled, Grim and jimmyb head out to drink beer.
Grim buys...

Morals of the story:
1. Real conservatives stick together.
2. Hippies smell.
3. Don't write blog posts while you're intoxicated (I only had a couple!).

My final word...
Before you kill me, Difster, perhaps we could exchange sidebar links. Hell, I gave you 9 links in this post!!!
Let me know!



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