Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Real Conversation at the Small-Town Gas Station

So, I go to the itty-bitty gas station in the itty-bitty town which I live beside (which is a great place, BTW!)

I fill my massive, American-made, V8, full-size pickup truck with gas. I laugh in spite at tree-huggers as the petroleum pours into the guts of my huge, 4WD man-truck.
Laughing in spite makes me happy.

I walk into the gas-station, looking quite dapper in my teaching duds, as I have just left the college (my part time job).
The following conversation ensues...

Lady At Counter (LAC): 99 cents for the smoked almonds. How much is that beer?
*points at 24 ounce can of el-cheapo 8.1% ALCOHOL can of beer.*

CUG: 99 cents.
*thinks to self - SWEEEEEEET! 8.1%!!! for a buck!!!*
(That was the actual price. Because I am a real Republican, I am honest, so I told her the truth.)

LAC: That'll be 2 dollars and 11 cents.

CUG: I had gas on that truck, too (points to the handsome, yet dumure, P/U truck).
*There is only one gas pump with a nozzle on each side; total two.*
I think I had 99 cents worth of gas, as well.

LAC: *Laughs* Yeh, right. That'll be $47.70 total.
*CUG hands lady his debit card*
LAC: Do you want a receipt for this?

CUG: Yes. Please.

LAC: Well, I always try to save a tree whenever I can.

CUG: I hate trees.

LAC: *Hesitating* What?

CUG: I hate trees. My grandfather was killed by a tree.

LAC: *blinks*
(Note: As I am typing, I just now finished the aforementioned can of beer. Mmmmmm.....beeeeeeer)

after a pause...
LAC: What?
*Now there is that, "oh crap, I just mightly insulted this guy" look.*

CUG: Yeah, my grandfather was killed by a falling tree, and now I hate all trees. My goal is to eradicate all of them.

LAC: *Stares with look of disbelief...*
*for quite some time*

CUG: I'm f***ing with you.

LAC: What?

CUG: I'm just messing with you. How much was it?

LAC: $47.70. *a wary look of relief on her face, if that's possible*
*CUG signs slip*

CUG: Thanks. Have a great evening.

LAC: Uh. You, too.

CUG: *outside* Heh.

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