Saturday, December 31, 2005

Real Conversation at the Video Store

I'm in Smallville video store the other day, and I see some kids in there.
Two of them are wearing the standard dorky wool caps, alleged soul-patches, and extra-big pants.

The other "person" looks like a reject from A Clockwork Orange tard-party.
Instead of all white, he had a black body-suit thingy with lots of chrome rings (chrome is in this year I hear), a belt buckle sized suitably for a Texan, black PLATFORM (read gay) shoes, and a bowler. Yes, a bowler hat like the guy in the Avengers. A FREAKING BOWLER PEOPLE! In Ohiya!

To top off this ensemble, he had a cheerleading baton.
What? OH! Sorry.
He had a walking-stick/cane that he twirled around LIKE it was a cheerleading baton.
My bad.

Now don't get me wrong, I own the movie A Clockwork Orange, and generally like Kubrik flicks (well, except for Eyes Wide Shut - YAWN!!!!), but Stanley's vision of the future, while dark and foreboding, wasn't even close when it came to what fashion would be like in the future.

Thank God.

However, tard-boy must not have gotten the memo regarding a movie that came out at least 16 years before his birth, and 25 years before he could begin to comprehend it.

I'm sure the effect he was going for was, "Oooh, look at me. I'm dark and creepy and complex and dangerous".

What he ended up with was "Oh, look. I live at home, don't have a job, a girlfriend, or a future, and my parents vote liberal and let me do whatever I want, while blaming Bush and everyone else for my aberrant and deviant behavior. I have issues..."

So I see this douche-bag (am I allowed to say that?) walking around the video store, and because I'm a live-and-let-live kind of guy, I ignore him.
To each his own, right?
Of course inside, I'm totally laughing my ass off at him, but outside, I am my normal demure, yet strikingly good-looking, self. (Hey! I think I look great! Just ask me!)

So I ask the young lady at the counter, figuring she knows about modern fashion due to her scant years, something like this:

CUG: Uhhhh, did I miss some new fashion update? I don't believe I'm familiar with that style.

Clerk: Not that I'm aware of.

CUG: You know, it kind of reminds me of the way they dressed in that movie "A Clockwork Orange".

Clerk: Yeah, it kind of does.

CUG: Or, he could just be gay.

Clerk: (Snorts loudly, then laughs). That could be. You may be on to something there.

CUG: Yeah, that's my assessment, and I'm sticking with it.

Clerk: That seems reasonable. (laughing again).

I exit to my truck, thinking perhaps I have been hasty in my judgments.
Maybe I shouldn't judge my fellow man just by the way he's dressed.
May pre-judging base on appearance is a BAD thing! Maybe this guy is a fine, upstanding, taxpaying, 2nd Amendment-protecting pro-lifer.

I look out of my truck through the window of the video store and see the young rapscallion again.

I quickly decide I have NOT been hasty after all.

He's a tard.

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