Friday, February 10, 2006

Practical English Lessons for Life.

Hey y'all!
Your buddy jimmyb is here with some more English lessons and translations for you.
Today, we're going to look at the phrase:

"I'm going to the range."

Now, if you're a red-state Amurkin like me, that means you are going to go shooting.
At a shooting range.
With real firearms. That are mostly made in America.
And maybe you're wearing a cowboy or baseball hat. And a "These Colors Don't Run" t-shirt.
In a pickup truck, mahap. That actually has real mud on it. And it was made in America.

Now of course, in a country as diverse as the good ol' US-of-Terrorist-A$-Kickin'-A, the phrase, I'm going to the range, can mean something other than the original meaning the the good Lord intended.

Here are some examples of alternate meanings of this phrase, based on the group uttering it:

"I'm Going to the Range"

Hippies
: This can have different meanings, depending on context, but is generally translated as one of the following -

"I'm going over to my drug dealer's house to score" or it can mean

"I'm heading down to the methadone clinic" or

"I'm going to the park to get some free needles from those nice Democrats, and shoot heroin in front of nuns and school-children" or

"Bush Lied, Kids Died".
Stoopid freakin' hippies.

Feminists
:

"I'm going down to the Planned Parenthood abortion clinic to exercise my completely hidden but undeniable constitutional right to rip this evil clump of parasitic cells from my temple of a body.
I feel so free and empowered."


The Unibomber: He's heading to a cabin in a mountain range to worship Al Gore.


The Wife:

"I'm going over to the stove to make you some soup and a grilled cheese sammich."
(Heh. Just kidding sweety!)

The Husband: Refers to the aforementioned shooting outing, or

"I'm going over to the stove to make you some soup and a grilled cheese sammich, because I know you're mad about the gun I bought without telling you" or

"I'm going over to the stove to make you some soup and a grilled cheese sammich, because I know you're mad about the last sammich joke I just made at your expense".

Military: This generally refers to the artillery range; meaning:

"I'm going to go blow stuff up. It will be cool."

Cowboy: He's really going to the range (like Home On the Range.)

Hollywood Cowboy: He's going out for some clandestine, hot man-on-man psuedo-cowboy action (like Homo On the Range).
(Eds note: Eewww.)

Well there you have it. Not only darned humorous, but immensely educational as well.
Your edification is my priority here at The Conservative UAW Guy website.

If you have some other definitions, put them in the comments!

Y'all come back now, ya hear?

Copyright CUG Educational Industries, a division of the Evil Conservative Global Domination Corporation, 2006.

No comments: