Thursday, June 15, 2006

Embrace Diversity.

I'm getting ready to settle in for the night, and I was rounding up what I was going to have with me whilst I sit in my recliner.

And then I noticed it.
By virtue of my collection of recliner paraphernalia.

I am one diverse m-f.

Not just part-time sissy "oh aren't those homos quaint but let's move on" diverse.
But I have big-time, manly super-cool big-tent embrace the outsiders diversedness!
I don't think I could be any more diverse, unless I was a Liberal Socialist DemocRat an insipid MSM-fed KOSsackit moron.

How diverse am I?
Let's break it down from left to right.

First, at the left we have an AMERICAN beer.

Oh, I know.
Buying American is passé, and lame, and just plain out of fashion, but that is how I celebrate diversitanity.
I don't care what is "in".
I just care (not CAIR) about what is right.

I just happen to work in America, too.
So I keep my eye out....

The beer is Sam Adam's BLACK Lager.
Not Irish stout.
Not Canadian ale.
Not German Pilsner.
Not 3rd Reich Aryan KKK Robert Byrd white-bread, white-trash beer.

Sweet black, black lager (and man is it ever tasty, too!!!).

It's like a Ken Blackwell conservative kind of black.
(Whom, by the way, if you don't vote for him this November, you're a total racist!).

I am the epitome of diversination.

Next, we have Ann Coulter's newest offering, Godless: The Church of Liberalism.
In case you haven't noticed, Ann is a woman.
A real person, sans penis.
You know, the downtrodden gender.

A strong, independent, outspoken, rich woman.
Kind of like Oprah.

Except different.

Now granted (of course), they both want me.
However, they can't have me, as I am totally (and happily) taken.
I can not be purchased.

(See fine print for rental details.)

I am a man (and then some); ergo, this is proof I embrace diversination, because I bought a strong, leggy, independent woman's book, and because I am not intimidated by her, and I am not a misogynist.

Plus, let's face it, she's pretty cool.

Diversocity is my middle name.

Disclaimer: I will admit part of the impetus for this purchase was pure, unadulterated, altruistic spite.
Just to piss off hippies, Hillary, and the New York Times.
And also to legitimately inflate Ann's sales numbers.
Spite rules.
And yes, I have ALL of her books (including one that is autographed).

Lastly, in this picture of diversonomics, we have a 9mm Smith and Wesson Lady Smith, Model 3913.

Diversiveniss reflected in a firearm selection?
Let's run the numbers -

The 9mm round is kind of gay.
Not bad for a back up, but for a primary offensive/defensive choice, it's a little bit of a girly round.
But check it, yo: I'm comfortable with that, especially when it is just the one at hand, and not the main defensive implement(s).
Just like I am totally comfortable being an exceedingly attractive, yet manly, heterosexual (totally) kind of guy.

This implement was also MADE IN AMERICA.

Furthermore, the weapon is NOT white.
It's kind of an off silver, stainless-steel colour.
(Note how I spelled colour; reaching out to feriners that can't spell!)

A little gay (in the proper context), effeminate (Lady Smith - thanks Sean!), American made, non-white AND reaching out to feriners!
This constitutes MONDO DIVERSITUDINESS on my part.

In my defense, this weapon is light, slim, has low recoil, and is easily concealable, accurate and dependable.
Plus, it is quite an attractive piece, much like myself.

Additionally, I bought it off of A WOMAN!!!
A real one!

Holy crap!
I should, like, get a huge diversity prize or award or something.
Maybe the prize could be a really cool rifle or something!!!
Maybe Rosie O'donnell and Katie Couric can present it to me!!!

My cup runneth over with diversitosity.

It's just amazing how one can look at the simplest things in one's life, and see the wellspring of good will, cold beer, diversitude, and pretty, pretty shiny firearms.

And don't forget to vote for Ken Blackwell in November, or you're a total racist.