Saturday, December 23, 2006

Jawbone of an Ass.

I've been out for a while, and I apologize.
Between finals, and my medical crap, I've barely even checked my email, much less blogged.

I grind my teeth at night. In the above pic, the very pronounced chopper second from the right in jawbone is a titanium implant and ceramic crown I got a few years ago.
(Wear your night-guard kids!)
The mirror image tooth (2nd from the left, bottom) is in the same process. This is the process (the second time around is different only in the level of agony).

Grind your teeth so hard one of them cracks.
Bacteria gets in crack and causes infection.
Infection goes unnoticed until there is discomfort.
Call dentist about discomfort.
By the time you get to the dentist, the sensation has gone from discomfort to something a little less than excruciating, but more than intense, pain.
Have dentist tell you that tooth is toast, and needs to be pulled, but they don't do that here.
He advises that you need to be on antibiotics for a few days anyway, before tooth is pulled.
Gives referral to maxiofacial ghoul.

Fun Tooth Trivia!! - When a tooth is abscessed, and the infection is all around the root, anesthetic doesn't hardly work on it at all!!

Take antibiotics for about three days. In the interim, catch the projectile-vomiting, facial-blood-vessel bursting flu bug that's been going around, and end up with a tooth/jaw/neck/back/head ache plus fever.
Then, finally, go to maxiofacial surgeon.
I'm not sure if I'll recommend the dude I went to.
I think it was this guy:

The guy about kills me with the anesthetic injections, and slips with one that I'm pretty damn sure goes through my mouth, into my neck muscles. He mutters I have a tough tendon.
The injections are VERY painful.
This is odd, as the last time I had this done, a kindly old gent did it with minimal discomfort, as I recall. This older guy, sadly, is retired BTW.

So DeSade goes to pull the tooth. I tell him stuff isn't numb, as I felt pain from the air wand the assistant used to blow off the tooth and area.

Classic stupid question from Dr. Mengele: "Are you sure?" ("Is it safe?")
The guy is about to rip part of my body from me with steel tools, so I forgo my typical witty repartee, and tell him that, yes, I am pretty sure.

More local anesthetic. This time just uncomfortable, not grunt eliciting.

Remember the Fun Tooth Trivia above? It's true.
Holy Mother of God is it true. And then some.

So Szell starts pulling, while muttering a question about something being "safe".

I actually yell. Out loud. Very atypical.
It hurts down into my socks.
The freakin' floor hurts.
This guy (below) would have been proud.
(Your pain will be legendary....)

So the doc says:
"Unbearable, isn't it? The suffering of strangers, the agony of friends.
There is a secret song at the center of the world, jimmyb, and its sound is like razors through flesh."
Wait a sec.
Actually what Corbin says (in response to my school-girl-like cries) "Are you just feeling pressure, or is it actual pain?"
As I glare at him - while I am sweating, quivering, panting and turning ashen - I say, "eh hoots" (rhymes with toots).
Another worthless shot of local anesthetic follows.

Which translates roughly to "OMG! WTF!! OWWWWW!!!"
(Apparently, tooth #30 is attached to ones testicles as well as the eye sockets.)

Doc: Ok. Ok. Don't worry, it's done now. (Yanks again.)
(That lying SOB.)

Finally, after 6 days, 6 hours, and 6 minutes, it is out.
(Perhaps it just felt that long.)
I have not passed out.
I am close, however.
I'm in shock a little, and trying not to vomit.
I succeed.

Now I will have to go through the process and non-covered expense of another titanium implant and crown.

Mmmmmm...titanium.... Made out of the same material as the coating on this Desert Eagle, which hopefully someone will buy for me out of sympathy! :)

I mean, I'm still in pain ya know....

And I'm still in true form, as I can apparently work a firearm angle and bleg into a tooth story!!!