Sunday, July 31, 2005

In the Spirit of Bi-Partisanship...


"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress.. But I repeat myself."

- -Mark Twain

Saturday, July 30, 2005

The End as We Know It?

Women of NOW, stand up and...

(Caution: A teensy bit tasteless, but not obscene or anything.)

The Magic Cone

I guess it is utile in some situations, but it is still creeping me out a little.


Friday, July 29, 2005


Update: Fixed for IE users. Hey!! Get Firefox, OK?

In honor of our friends S-Tay (a regular here) and Angela!

In honor of S-Tay and his new wife Angela, and the impending drunkenshutzenfest on Saturday, a few sage words. S-Tay, there are few things that will help you in married life as much as these two pivotal, vital, and yes absolutely necessary words: yes dear. This short yet invaluable phrase will save countless arguments and solo nights. Regardless of the request or question, “yes dear” will suffice in most any situation. Trust me, I’ve been married for fifteen years. Though my wife knows that the phrase is generally just paying lip service to “whatever”, it still is good enough in 99% of all marital situations that might arise. We both know it is b.s., but it lets her know I am towing the line t an extent I am capable of. This is a reasonable compromise.

Things never to say to your wife S-Tay:

Don’t tell me what to do; you’re not my mom!

I promise not to ….

Refer to number one

I thought I knew her, that is why I was staring.

You are just like your mom

I’ll bet your mom lets your dad do it…

Let’s invite your sister over for a nightcap, she’s kinda cute

Refer to number one

Well my old girlfriend always let me ….

I lost track of time because the clock in the bar was wrong

S-Tay and Angela, may God bless your sacred union and give you all the gifts of a successful marriage. May you have patience and forgiveness in your hearts all the days you live. Congrats and God bless ----From Smike and jimmyb (CUG)
(Written by Smike!! :) )

Carnival Time.

The latest Carnival of Comedy is up at Right Hand of God.

Of course, CUG is there (this time!), and a slew of other scurvy dogs.

You are, of course, in good hands with Patriot Xeno and Citizen Grim.



How Many Hippies...

Q: How many dirty-hippies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Hippies know how to change light bulbs?

Q: How many dirty-hippies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 3. One to turn the bulb, the other two to go and score some weed.

Q: How many dirty-hippies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 13. One to turn the bulb, 12 to bitch that almost all the bulbs are white. (Yellow bug bulbs don't count. Asians aren't oppressed.)

Q: How many dirty-hippies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 2. One to turn the bulb and stink, and one to just stink.

Q: How many dirty-hippies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 4. One to turn the bulb, and three to hold up gay signs that say No Blood for Oyle, Bushitler lyed, Kids Dyed, and Save the Wales (stupid hippies can't spell!).

Q: How many dirty-hippies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 2. One to turn the bulb, one to quote Noam Chomsky.

Q: How many dirty-hippies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Doesn't matter. Light bulbs are part of the Zionist, military-industrial capitalistic machine, man, so were not changing it, MAN! Hey! You got any bud?

Q: How many dirty-hippies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 6. One to turn the bulb, and 5 to yell retarded, false slogans at Republicans and/or conservatives.

Q: How many dirty-hippies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1. And 2 conservatives. One conservative turns the bulb, the other one beats the living hell out of the hippy for continuously mouthing off retarded, false slogans, and holding up gay signs with misspellings, after being politely asked to refrain from such behavior.

Q: How many dirty-hippies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Can't we just set dirty-hippies on fire? Or strangle them? At least in red states?

Yeah, I guess Jesus would disapprove of that, in most cases.



Thursday, July 28, 2005

Yay for Lefties!

While writing my last post, I was a little irked.
(Did it show?)

But, I got to thinking about the left I see in the news, and the lefties I know in real life.
They are very often quite different.

And furthermore, the lefties (they ain't as left as they think, most of them) that come here, are quite different than the ones I read on DU and KOS.
Oh sure, I've gotten an email telling me I'm going to hell, and the occasional Nazi comment here and there, but overall, those who disagree with me here are great.
I would be honored to drink a beer with almost any of them.

So, because I am way so cool, I would like to take an opportunity to thank everyone who drops by here, but especially the lefters. They come here knowing that the majority of those on this site are probably in opposition to their beliefs, but come anyway.

And even moreso, I would like to say that I am so pleased that these folk are civil, articulate, respectful in all ways (usually! Pool!), friendly and even don't use (or rarely use) profanity on this site. That is so cool.

So today, or tomorrow, hug a lefty! They give us purpose, entertainment, and most of them are ok, as long as they don't vote.

In conclusion, thank you all so much, and please return... Remember, civility is one of the things that separates us from the animals.

Well, that and guns...


I Knew This Would Happen.


Here we go.
The lefties are slinging poo like aggravated monkies.

I recently did a post called "Where is the Left When You Really Need Them?".

It was an opinion about the public execution (i.e. murder) of two gay teens by the Iranian (read Islamofacist) government. I was sickened by the story, so I commented on it.
I also commented about who was amazingly silent.
The ACLU (commies), GLAD (facist tards), and Amnesty International (or the "we freaking hate GW and America foundation").

As an added bonus, for my friends, enemies, and acquaintances in Canukistan, I also checked Matt Good (some Canadian musician guy; thanks Pitt!) and Amnesty International Canada (if it's just Canada, is it international?). Yeah, they were out to lunch too, on this one.

Conservatives, being conservative, oft let lefties slide on their hate filled spewing just to stay above the fray.
I'm not like that.
So, I want to make this perfectly clear to you lefty organizations:

You don't get a free pass on this you whiny, hypocritical, two-faced, leftist, Marxist asstards!!!

Here are a few select comments from the original post. Not everyone here is an asstard, but I'm talking about organizations that all these lefties support.

Let us Fisk (me in bold, of course):

Allowing other cultures to kill people for their sexual orientation isn't "embracing their culture or religion".

I don't think any liberal would condone such violations of human rights.
I can always count on Pitt.
I think allowing people to kill for their culture or religion without even a mention is part of embracing their religion. It certainly doesn't count as criticizing it.
I agree: I don't think a liberal, as an individual, would condone this either. But the groups many individual liberals support, seem to not care.

Gunn Nutt jumps in:

Pitt, CUG is just pointing out that liberals are condemning inconsequential or trivial aspects of our society on the front pages and headlines every day, while ignoring very real barbarity in other places. Voicing "liberal indignation" at the execution of homosexuals in Iran would require that they actually do something to stop it. Since the ACLU can't sue the ruling mullahs, the liberals would have to join with those who want to change the regime in Iran. There's no power benefit in that.
You should take a read of your own bible, perhaps take a little peek at Leviticus 18:23, where god wants you to kill Homosexuals. But then again, it’s pretty hard to take a book seriously when the protagonist insists on killing Sabbath breakers and shellfish eaters but doesn’t seem to mind pedophilia and thinks incest is a bit of alright. I love fundies, whether their Christian or Islam, they give me so much fodder.

Well. My three bibles seem to say that Leviticus 18:23 says something about bestiality. However, Leviticus 18:22 says something to the effect of, "Do not lie with a man, as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.
Hardly a death sentence. Michael Moore is detestable; he's still here.

But, to save you the trouble (because we go way back :) ), Leviticus 20:13 says roughly (depending on version):
"If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

This could be construed as a death penalty. However, this is the Old Testament. You're allowed to kill witches, too.
Point being, your argument would carry infinitely more weight if organized Christian governments were executing homosexuals as a matter of policy. This is not the case. If it was, CNN and C-BS would already be there.
Furthermore, the new book teaches forgiveness, unlike the Koran, which to the end says execute and/or conquer. I agree though, the Old Testament is pretty hardcore in some places, but again, who is executing queers?
God Freud, you're so smart, why don't you use that talent for something besides cherry-picking inconsistencies with Christianity. Think if you used that brain to argue that God exists. Try it for a month. You might convince yourself.
By the way, didn't Mohammad marry a six-year old?
I digress.

And then, it starts in earnest.

In fact, there was a big write-in campaign asking Condoleeza to condemn the actions of Iran, blah blah. Has she even said anything on the topic?

Somehow, I don't think that offering religiously persecuted homosexuals amnesty or even political support would be very popular with Conservative US voters. :p

Apparently, it would not be popular with the organizations I mentioned, too.
Moonbatty is actually quite civil (and pretty cool, too), but her comments are indicative of what is to come in the following comments.


Where is the outrage from Ann Coulter and Bill O'Reilly and Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell and James Dobson.
It's plain dumb--in fact, it's the mother of all strawmen--to claim that the "Left" doesn't care about this atrocity. I would like the CUG to provide is with one--just one, that shouldn't be so hard-citation of a "leftist" countenancing this stuff.

Meanwhile, as noted, where is George Bush's public outrage against this sort of thing? What, could it just be that he's a raging hypocrite? Not to mention CUG, for not mentioning Republicans, who haven't said a damned word of condemnation about this.

Dawg (obviously) is a hypotard. I never said ANYWHERE that the left approved or "countenanced" this. Re-read it, puppy-boy. And I will say again, the right has never claimed to be the godsend of homosexuals. The left has.
That makes you 10 times the hypocrites you claim those on the right are.

And guess what, kids?!?!?
Here's the list of the aforementioned commenting liberals and what they posted on their sites about this atrocity, as of this writing:

1. "Dr." Dawg doesn't post anything about this.
2. Neither does Moonbatty.
3. Same for Freudz Wet Dream.
4. And Pitt.
5. And Rick Barnes (who is EXTREMELY GAY, if his site is any indication. Not that there's anything wrong with that... NOT work-safe, BTW).
6. Matt Good - Too busy bashing Christians (I threw him in because Pitt knows him.)

6 times nothing equals jack-s**t.

Score: CUG 2 (at least!), Lefties 0.
(I am now in total shock and awe!) I wonder why that is?

Liberals ignoring this is like if the right ignored a gun ban.
That would never happen on our side, even if it was Muslims or rich corporate raiders that got the ban enacted. I might as well bitch that Ted Rall didn't come out in support of S 397.

Dawg et al, not only are you hypocrites, your actions (and lack thereof) are evil. Note, I did not say anyone here is evil, just actions. Doing nothing is not remaining neutral.
You care not of the blood of innocents being shed, as long as your agenda moves forward.
Cost (in blood and/or money) is no object. Nice world you're creating there.

Again, the organized leftists make me sick.
You sincere lefties need to call them on it!!! If you really are sincere..
Don't bitch at the right until your own folk are on board.

Bite me.


Disclaimer: Sorry, but I have loved ones in the gay or whateverthehellitiscalledthesedays community.
I don't agree with or understand them all the time, but I love them and care about them and their safety.
Here the left shows what they think about the people I love and care about. As long as they fit the mold and further the agenda, they are safe.

So go ahead; keep coddling the murders and oppressors.
Don't worry.
Us patriots and conservatives will just have to clean up your tragic, blood-soaked mess, like we always do. Here and abroad.
Thanks for nothing.

jimmyb the CUG

Thanks Smike!

Bro Smike emailed this to me.
Remember kids, it's just humor!

Subject: World History 101

The two most important events in all of history were the invention
of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get an
to the beer.

These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were
the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the
beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can was
invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around
waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's
how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing
animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer.
This was the beginning of what is known as the "Conservative movement."

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to
live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing
the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing.
This was the beginning of the "Liberal movement."

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girleymen.' Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how
to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized
by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but
most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like
their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal
fare. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists,
dreamers in Hollywood, and group therapists are liberals.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They still
provide for their women. Conservatives are hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers,
corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works
productively outside government.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production.

Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.

Heh. All in fun, of course (although...).

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Let the Accolades Begin.

Hooray! I'm published!
This is my letter to the Toledo Blade.
I think the blade part is actually a scythe, like a sickle and hammer kind of thing.
Dang leftards.

Here is the original quote I was refering to in my letter:

New Hope for the NAACP
THE National Association for the Advancement of Colored People is the nation's oldest civil rights organization, and one that still has an important role...

To which I replied...
From the Toledo Blade.

NRA was founded before the NAACP
Your July 5 editorial stated, "The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People is the nation's oldest civil rights organization …"

This is incorrect.

I don't know for sure what the oldest civil rights organization is, but the National Rifle Association was founded in 1871, far earlier than the NAACP'S 1908 founding. This makes the NRA the older of the two, and perhaps the oldest, period.

I realize that The Blade doesn't think the Second or Fifth amendments count as rights, but they are still in the Bill of Rights, and should be discussed as such.

jimmyb the Conservative UAW Guy and all around lovable yet kick-ass dude
Defiance (Ohio)
(Pretty cool name for a town, eh?)

Ok, the name was changed to protect the guilty.
But they did print my slam at the end!
The 5th amendment crack was regarding another commie editorial they had praising the Supremes decision to make us a police state and confiscate peoples' property for private business.

Heh. Stoopid commies.

Let the book and movie deals commence...

Dang It!

Good news/bad news...

The good news: I was runner up in the GOP and the City caption contest, again! Yay, me!

The bad news: I was runner up in the GOP and the City caption contest, again! Not FIRST!

That dang Damian G. from Conservathink beat me again! He's just a kid!

I'm so mad!!!
(It doesn't matter that his caption was way funnier than mine.
I'm a union guy; I've got seniority, DAMMIT!) ;)

Congrats, Damian.
Oh yeah, and sorry about you being a loser, jimmyb.


Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Did you know...

Did you know if you set a hippy on fire, and look at the light spectrum that comes off of the flames, you can tell what kind of drugs he was on?

This has been: Your Science Tip of the Day.

Yay! Learning is fun!

Disclaimer: Please make sure you state and local officials allow hippy burning, as these rules vary by geographical location. (Sorry, Canukistan!)


Poor hippies...

Rumors of a hippy-eating dog in my neighborhood are greatly exaggerated...
And I'm sticking to that story.

(Uh, no officer. That's just the new hippy-flavored chew-toys they have at Meijer's.
The smell. Uh, our dog farts a lot.
I realize that looks like a femur, but it's produced for realism.
Heh, heh.
Yeah, that's it...)

Monday, July 25, 2005

Where is the Left When You Really Need Them?

A government acting on behalf of the "religion of peace".
Two gay teens about to die (they do).

From Gay Orbit
(warning - ads in the below link not all family friendly!):


Iranian Gay Youths Hanged
Absolutely heartbreaking:

LONDON, July 21 – Two gay teenagers were publicly executed in Iran on 19 July 2005 for the ‘crime’ of homosexuality. The youths were hanged in Edalat (Justice) Square in the city of Mashhad, in north east Iran. They were sentenced to death by Court No. 19.

Iran enforces Islamic Sharia law, which dictates the death penalty for gay sex.

One youth was aged 18 and the other was a minor under the age of 18. They were only identified by their initials, M.A. and A.M.

They admitted – probably under torture, London-based gay human rights group Outrage! suggests – to having gay sex but claimed in their defence that most young boys had sex with each other and that they were not aware that homosexuality was punishable by death.

Prior to their execution, the teenagers were held in prison for 14 months and severely beaten with 228 lashes.

Also, from

Iran Executes Gay Teenagers.
Boys didn't know sex was "punishable by death".

Their length of detention suggests that they committed the so-called offences more than a year earlier, when they were possibly around the age of 16.
Ruhollah Rezazadeh, the lawyer of the youngest boy (under 18), had appealed that he was too young to be executed and that the court should take into account his tender age (believed to be 16 or 17). But the Supreme Court in Tehran ordered him to be hanged.
Under the Iranian penal code, girls as young as nine and boys as young as 15 can be hanged.

(Eds note: Emphasis mine.)

Three other young gay Iranians are being hunted by the police, but they have gone into hiding and cannot be found. If caught, they will also face execution.

A later news story by Iran In Focus, allegedly based on this original ISNA report, claimed the youths were executed for sexually assaulting a 13 year old boy. But the ISNA report does not mention any sexual assault.

A report of the executions on the website of the respected democratic opposition movement, The National Council of Resistance Of Iran, also makes no reference to a sexual assault.
The allegation of sexual assault may either be a trumped up charge to undermine public sympathy for the youths (a frequent tactic by the Islamist regime in Iran).

Or it may be that the 13 year old was a willing participant but that Iranian law (like UK law) deems that no person of that age is capable of sexual consent and that therefore any sexual contact is automatically deemed in law to be a sex assault.
If the 13 year old was sexually assaulted, why was he not identified and also put on trial (under Iranian law both the victims and perpetrators of sexual crimes are punished)?

"This is just the latest barbarity by the Islamo-fascists in Iran,” said Peter Tatchell of the London-based gay human rights group OutRage!
"The entire country is a gigantic prison, with Islamic rule sustained by detention without trial, torture and state-sanctioned murder.
"According to Iranian human rights campaigners, over 4,000 lesbians and gay men have been executed since the Ayatollahs seized power in 1979. "Altogether, an estimated 100,000 Iranians have been put to death over the last 26 years of clerical rule. The victims include women who have sex outside of marriage and political opponents of the Islamist government.
"Last August, a 16 year old girl, Atefeh Rajabi, was hanged for 'acts incompatible with chasity.' "

Ok, lefties.
Explain to me how we need to embrace and understand other religions and cultures again.

Tell me how no culture is superior to another.

Run that by me one more time, m'kay?
The government stringing up homos (yeah, not pc, but I don't kill them, either)?
And we're the bad guys because we say gay marriage isn't in the Constitution (which it is not)?

These kids are the ones you are supposed to be protecting.
Are the guys in hoods Republicans? I think not.
These killers are the very people you coddle and protect; and they are killing the people you say you want to protect over here.
Where is your outrage? Where are your protest groups and marches and signs?
Why isn't this mainstream news?
If it was Christians doing this, it would be all over the front pages.

Does your politically correct agenda make this the "isolated incident", that you can easily ignore, to serve your greater agenda?

Where are these folk?
Where's the ACLU?
Bitching about the Patriot Act and Guantanamo.
Promoting abortion rights.

Where's Amnesty International?
This didn't make their web site, either.
But our US soldiers did.

Where's GLAD?
Praising gay Canadian marriage, and bitching about the US, of course.
But nothing on this story.

You know, I almost have to wonder...
Is it because they're brown people that you don't care about them?

Or is it because they are (undoubtedly) Muslims? I can' t believe that.

I honestly can't imagine it's because they were gay.

Could it be that you so enamored with Islam and Islamic culture that you'll even let the murder of children slide?

Answer this:

Why am I, The Conservative UAW Guy, jimmyb, a conservative, Christian, Republican, Constitutionalist, so pissed off about this outrage, and the big-time main-stream leftards apparently are not?
What's that, more silence from the big-boys?

You leftists make me sick.


Coolest. Add. Ever.

This commercial is way cool.

According to Steel City's Finest:

This Advertisement for the new Honda Accord was shot in real time with no CGI involved in the sequence. It required 606 takes and cost $6 million to shoot and took
3 months to complete.

Click the above description to see the commercial.


Hat-tip to The Blogfather.

Libby's Libby's Libby's On the Label Label Label

So I'm reading Libby's site (thoughts...usually with attitude...) and saw this post: 5 Questions from the Queen, and asked for and interview, because I'm a psycho.

Here's the scoop, from Libby (or Denise?):

1) Leave me a comment saying interview me please.
2) I will respond by asking you five questions.
3) You will update your blog/site with the interview questions.
4) You will include this explanation and offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5) When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
(Eds note: My question section WILL NOT BE CALLED 5 Questions from the Queen!!!)

ok...your questions...
(Eds note: See below.)

thanks for letting me do this!! and thanks in advance for your answer! i will be back to check!!
BoUnCeS!! LibbY!


1. How did you decide to become conservative? And why? and when?
That is three questions, but I'll let that slide, 'cause you're new and all.

How and why:
I don't think one always consciously decides to become what he or she ends up becoming.
I think some is conscious, and some is below the surface. I did not "decide" to become more conservative. But I did decide that there are some absolutes in life.
I used to be somewhat (although not rabidly) liberal. I was raised Catholic, faded away from that. I thank the media for helping me with that.
If you want to not believe in God or morality and believe in moral relativism, there is no shortage of people to help you.
Larry Flynt, Dan Rather, Bill Clinton, and 95% of Hollywood will back you up that there is no God, everyone is equal, and there is no good and evil, black and white.
Hey, if it feels good, do it. Right?

I came to the conclusion that that is bulls**t.

There is evil in the world. Conversely, there is good. And God.
I slowly came to a realization that the arguments I made were flawed. They sounded good (sort of), but they were flawed nonetheless.
Liberalism is a world of how it should be, if there was no God and man was the highest authority. You know, if we were high and there was no reality to contend with. Liberalism is based on emotion, and feeling superior. I liked that. But, I have always tried to be logical about, well, pretty much everything.

Logic and liberalism don't jive.
I always knew that underneath, but never wanted to admit it. Liberalism means telling some little-white lies, and a couple of big-whopper lies, to yourself.

I don't know when the "change" happened.
Over the course of 40 years, I guess.

I realize this is rambling, but it is a harder question than I thought.
I think this is essay material...

2) Who is your favorite president we've ever had, either in your life, or in the past?

Washington, because he was the first, and one of the Founding Fathers.
Reagan, because I actually remember him, and I dig his style.

3) Did you go to college? and if you didn't, do you wish you had? or if you did, do you think 'fondly' of those years, or think they were wasted?

Yes. I'm glad I went. My education (for the most part) was directly related to what I wanted to do (and am doing) in life. I'm one of those lucky people that loves my job (most days!).
Remember fondly? Eh, necessary. It wasn't bad, but I was a late bloomer; married, kids, struggling. Wasn't the party scene at all. That was a good thing!
Physics classes reaffirmed my then waning belief in God. What a system He has!

4. Do you love to ride rollercoasters, or are you scared to death of them? or something in between?
I LOVE to ride rollercoasters.

5. where is your favorite place to go on vacation?
Somewhere where there are rollercoasters!!
Honestly, anywhere where my wife and daughter are. And it's cool if there are rollercoasters there!

And now, in following the rules, I extend the offer to y'all to be interviewed.
I will not use the same questions.
Please ask in the comments, or email me (cugblog at msn dot com).
Thanks, Libby! That was fun! :)

Sunday, July 24, 2005


Here we go, again...

Radical Muslims have struck again.
83 or so dead.

Once again, I will here the left proclaim that we need not jump to conclusions.
That Islam is "The Religion of Peace".
That we need to protect Muslims that don't get attacked, but call the government Nazis for trying to protect the people that are obviously under attack.
(How come lefties don't save some of that tolerance for Republicans, Christians and conservatives?)

I know. Maybe it's the IRA.
(I guess that one won't fly after the second set of London incidents).

The people of Egypt are in our prayers.
God bless 'em.

More forthcoming...

The Carnival

I'm late, and not in the Carnival this time, but it is here:

Carnival of Comedy 12 at This Blog Is Full of Crap.

Lots of good stuff there. Enjoy!

(Look for me there next time!)


Friday, July 22, 2005

I Think Too Much On the Tractor...

Q: How many anarchists does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: Four, but you can never get them to all show up at the same time!

Hat tip to DennisB, for tweaking my melon!

Another Stupid Test

Well, I don't like to brag, but...

The Stupid Quiz said I am "Totally Smart!" How stupid are you? Click here to find out!

Who the heck comes up with all these dorky things?
Why are you looking at this dorky thing?
Why do I even pay attention to these dorky things?

Mahap I am a dork.
But I'm not a totally STUPID dork (right?).


Found This by Accident

Heh. Cute poem.

If I had a shiny gun,
I could have a world of fun
Speeding bullets through the brains
Of the folk who give me pains;

Dorothy Parker

I think she was being sarcastic, but I don't care.
Kind of like the Beatles, "Happiness is a Warm Gun".
Sarcastic, but cool.
And let's be honest. Happiness really is a warm gun!
As long as you're target-shooting or hunting! :)
(Or maybe blowing-away commies!)

Hey! I'll bet I could be a poet, too. How hard could it be? They don't even have to rhyme anymore!

I have a gun
but yet, alas
I cannot shoot
that hippy's ass.

The cops say no,
so does Jesus, too.
But that smelly tard,
just said "Eff you, dude!

He keeps on yelling,
"Screw you, man!"
So I'll beat him to death
with this steel trash-can.

Sorry Jesus, I least I didn't shoot him! You know how hard it is to find steel trash cans, anymore?


Thursday, July 21, 2005


(Click on pic for a better view.)
People crack me up.
I was going to get the Liberal Critical Thinking for Dummies, but all the pages were blank...

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Stoopid State Capital!

That sucks so bad. Mama and I would have been there.
Dang (and I cleaned that up twice!)

NRA pulls convention out of Columbus, Ohio, to protest city's ban on assault weapons


COLUMBUS, Ohio - The National Rifle Association said Monday it is pulling its 2007 national convention out of Columbus because of the city's ban on assault weapons. The City Council passed a ban July 12 outlawing the sale or possession of semiautomatic rifles with pistol grips and detachable magazines.

The gun owners' organization had planned to hold its annual three-day event, expected to draw as many as 60,000 people, at the Greater Columbus Convention Center.

"The party is canceled because last week your City Council unanimously voted to revoke the constitutional rights of law-abiding citizens in Columbus by banning perfectly legal firearms," NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre said.

City officials said the NRA had been told there was a potential for the ban.

"Public policy decisions -- especially those affecting the safety of our citizens -- cannot be influenced by any narrow interest group that happens to visit," Council President Matt Habash and councilman Michael Mentel said in a statement.

Federal lawsuits have overturned two previous attempts by Columbus to ban assault weapons. The latest law attempts to avoid that by spelling out a distinction between legal sporting weapons and military-style assault weapons.

The NRA also considered Portland, Ore., and Reno, Nev., for the 2007 event.

Evil 1, Good 0.

I will be writing a letter to these asshats. Not that it will do any good.

Toledo isn't an option, either. They have gayer laws than Columbus. Toledo banned "assault" weapons AND most pistols. Even the Toledo PD pistols were deemed dangerous by the standard, but exempted, of course.
I don't spend money in Toledo.
This country seems to be going to hell...


Tuesday, July 19, 2005

To All the Racist Lefties Out There.

Right on.
Don't let anyone disarm you.
People that wish to do so are your enemy. They always have been.
Jew. Black. Christian. Mexican. Muslim. Gay. Be always on your guard.
Let history be your guide...

Thanks to A Human Right.


Yee-Haw! It's Official!

Payed off my NRA Life Membership this month.

Got my official "Dude, you are so totally a life memeber of the NRA" certificate in the mail. Yes, I am going to frame it.

I am officially a top member of the vast right-wing conspiracy, now!

Let me reiterate at this point, "Yee-haw".

There are so many people I'd like to thank...
Rosie O'donnel, Chuck Schumer, Hitlery, Diane Feinstein, Sarah Brady...

Are you a member? The NRA is one of the oldest civil-rights organizations in the country. They love freedom and hate gun-grabbers!

Join here: Yes, jimmyb. I want to protect freedom. I will sign up for the NRA!

In all honesty, this is an important institution, protecting the God-given right of self-defense.

"But CUG! I have children!"

To which I answer:
"If you truly love your children, you will learn how use, and be willing to use, deadly force to protect them."

This means you need the training and the tools to do so.
The NRA can point you towards training, and keep your tools legal and accessible.

Please give consideration to joining the NRA. It is not expensive, and every additonal member sends an important message to politicians.
This is not a Democrat or Republican thing. This is an American thing.
With a VERY few exceptions, nearly all of my Democratic friends (yes, I have them!) don't think guns should be banned, or further restricted. Even most people I know that don't own guns think they are a right.

Plus, God is pro-gun. Rember, every time an evil gun law is passed, an angel cries...
Also, you will really piss-off a liberal if you join. That's worth the price of admission right there! :)

Seriously, though. Please give this some thought.

I miss Charleton Heston...


Monday, July 18, 2005

No Way, Man!

Ok. So I took a hippy test!
I dispute this score with every ounce of my being (or not).
I am half as much that. It should be negative 47!

I am 11% Hippie.
So Not a Hippie.
What? Am I a Republican? Why did I even bother taken this test?! I guess I’ll back to my George W. Bush fan club and tell them I just wasted 10 minutes of my life. At least I don’t stink, man.

Click the "Take the Hippie Test" link above to try this test yourself, you dirty-hippy!

Stoopid hippies...

Hat tip to Tyler D. at 45 Caliber Justice (I know, I know: that was the name of my blog, but he stole it!

Hey, Damian at Conservathink has it, too!


Sunday, July 17, 2005

Protect Our Constitution

A petition to protect the Constitution of the United States:

Mr. President,

(Your personal note)

Please nominate an individual with a rock-solid judicial philosophy rooted in the Constitution’s original meaning and committed to interpreting the law not making law.

Click the above text to fill out and sign the petition. It's at

Ha-tip to the GunnNutt for showing me this link!

Ok, go sign it, now.

And pray, as well. This is important to the future of our country.


Now With Tripod!!! The 1919-A4.

Hat-tip to to my bro, SSM! (It's his piece.)
(Click on picks for a great view!)

Belt-fed weapons freaking ROCK!!! Yee-Haw!!!!

Sorry. I get a little carried away sometimes.


Saturday, July 16, 2005

Carnival Time

Last weeks Carnival of Comedy was cancelled due to the London terrorist attack.

But it's back this week, at IMAO, of course!!!

Comedy of Carnival 11: Hosted by Spacemonkey.

Lot's of funny stuff for all to see!
Go check it out.

China lays down the gauntlet

I knew we should have nuked 'em when we had the chance.

Top Chinese general warns US over attack
By Alexandra Harney in Beijing and Demetri Sevastopulo and Edward Alden in Washington
Published: July 14 2005 21:59 | Last updated: July 15 2005 00:03

China is prepared to use nuclear weapons against the US if it is attacked by Washington during a confrontation over Taiwan, a Chinese general said on Thursday.

“If the Americans draw their missiles and position-guided ammunition on to the target zone on China's territory, I think we will have to respond with nuclear weapons,” said General Zhu Chenghu.

“If the Americans are determined to interfere [then] we will be determined to respond,” said Gen Zhu, who is also a professor at China's National Defence University.

“We . . . will prepare ourselves for the destruction of all of the cities east of Xian. Of course the Americans will have to be prepared that hundreds . . . of cities will be destroyed by the Chinese.”

Gen Zhu's comments come as the Pentagon prepares to brief Congress next Monday on its annual report on the Chinese military, which is expected to take a harder line than previous years. They are also likely to fuel the mounting anti-China sentiment on Capitol Hill.

In recent months, a string of US officials, including Donald Rumsfeld, defence secretary, have raised concerns about China's military rise. The Pentagon on Thursday declined to comment on “hypothetical scenarios”.

Chas Freeman, a former US assistant secretary of defence, said in 1996 that a PLA official had told him China could respond in kind to a nuclear strike by the US in the event of a conflict with Taiwan. The official is believed to have been Xiong Guangkai, now the PLA's deputy chief of general staff.

It's not all bad, though. I do like Chinese food...

Friday, July 15, 2005

And We're the Bad Guys??!?!?!

Will they show this on CBS and Al-Jazeer?


July 15, 2005

During a routine patrol in Baghdad June 2, Army Pfc. Stephen Tschiderer, a medic, was shot in the chest by an enemy sniper, hiding in a van just 75 yards away. The incident was filmed by the insurgents.

Tschiderer, with E Troop, 101st “Saber” Cavalry Division, attached to 3rd Battalion, 156th Infantry Regiment, 256th Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division, was knocked to the ground from the impact, but he popped right back up, took cover and located the enemy’s position.

After tracking down the now-wounded sniper with a team from B Company, 4th Battalion, 1st Iraqi Army Brigade, Tschiderer secured the terrorist with a pair of handcuffs and gave medical aid to the terrorist who’d tried to kill him just minutes before.

The terrorists (yes, terrorists, not insurgents) even took a video of the shooting.

See it here.

Another hero (and humanitarian) that, most likely, few will ever hear about.
I doubt I would be as friendly to someone who just shot me.
I would like to think that I would, being a Christian, and one hell of a nice guy, to boot...but I doubt it.

You a good man, Stephen Tschiderer.


Click on pic for full view.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Everyone Loves a Clown.

Some say this blog sucks.

So I decided it needs a clown.
Because everybody loves a clown, right?

So here's a clown. A specialized type of clown
I hope he gets run-over by that car all the other clowns come out of.
Unless he already dumped it in the lake, that is. Do clown cars float? Not this one's, I'll wager!!!

Remember kids, Uncky Ted says,
"Buuuurp! Damn, those last nine martinis at lunch gave me a little heartburn.
Oh, well. Time to drive the old-lady home...

Drunken, Liberal Ass-Clown in natural setting.
Do not let your daughter ride with this man!!!


I've been tagged.
So, on this rare occasion I will capitulate. But let us not make a habit of it.

First Meme:

1. Total number of books you own.
Uhh...a gatrilbon? I don't know. Do I count the ones on the shelves, in the attic, in the garage, in the barn, and the 10,000 I loaned out and never got back?
Make that a gatrilbon and one.

2. Last book I bought.
"Creating Web Pages for Dummies". Smith and Bebak.
By suggestion of Zaphrial.
(Yeah, I know. You can't tell yet.)

3. Last book I read.
"How To Talk to a Liberal (If You Must)". Ann Coulter.
And yes, it is autographed! Sweeeeet!

4. 5 books that mean a lot to me:
1. The Bible
2. The Stand
3. Asimov's Robot Novels
4. My autographed Ann Coulter book.
5. Animal Farm.

Second Meme:

What 10 events would you care to witness if you could travel in time to observe them?
(Not necessarily in order of importance, although #1 is #1.)
1. The Resurrection of Christ.

2. Us killing the last terrorist (you didn't say I couldn't travel backwards and forwards in time!)

3. The original Pink Floyd The Wall concerts, LA and NY.
(I have seen Floyd and Waters both, but never together.)

4. The signing of the Declaration of Independence.

5. The Kennedy assassination (to stop it, or at least clear up those damned conspiracy theories!)
Yeah, morbid, I know.

6. Charlton Heston's "From my cold dead hands..." speech at the NRA convention, May 20, 2000.

7. Of course, the birth of the universe! (That would clear up a whole bunch of arguments!)

8. The Gettysburg Address.

9. A Ronald Reagan speech.

10. The McCarthy trials so I could help eradicate more commies. And maybe bitch-slap a couple, too.
McCarthy was aware of a serious problem, but underestimated how deep and wide-spread it was. Poor Joe. He never got to finish the our detriment, I might proffer.

Ok, done for the year on those. Right?

Thanks, (I guess!!) to Tyler D at 45 Caliber Justice, and Wyatt Earp at Support Your Local Gunfighter, respectively. :)

Lunch Musing: London Bombing NEW POSTS BELOW!!!

We are so sorry about what happened to you.
God bless the UK, and help her in this time of trouble.
We are praying for you.

I hope we can bomb someone back for you...

07/07/05 - We will never forget this, either!

This post will remain on top until the 14th of July. (Check below for recent posts).
For rememberance.
For our allies and friends.
For unity.
For God and country.


Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Woo-Hoo! We're #2!!!

I won runner up in the GOP and The City caption contest!
I am awaiting my prize money (I think its $73 million, or something).

The contest is here.

This was the picture and my caption
(That's Anthony Weiner, by the way):

Note to self:Find other town than Riverdale to vacation in.

Damian G. at Conservathink was the winner of the caption contest.

His quote was:
Unfortunately, the irony was lost on Mr. Weiner that he was, in fact, the biggest d##k New York had to offer

Man! He's good, for a pup! :)
(He's freakin' 16!) JUST KIDDING, DAMIAN!

A well-deserved congrats, Damian. You have the gift of funny!

jimmyb the CUG

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Poolside - Part I


I had a little post to show support for England after the 7/7 /05 bombing.

Just a little tribute.

I didn't think much about it at the time (as being controversial), but in a short time, the comment section got quite heated. I expected a few comments of sorrow, anger, and then moving on... I was wrong.
To date, it is the largest comment section I have ever had at this site.

Because of the passion and scope of the comments, and because it is my site, I decided to post some of my thoughts in the discussion.

First of all, I would like to thank everyone for their comments, whether I agree with them or not. Also, thanks to all of you who commented that I don't address here, especially those with condolences for our friends across the pond.
I am always curious about others' opinions, even if I don't agree with them. Thank you for taking time to stop here. It makes this an interesting place...

People who come to this blog regularly already know, or can generally surmise, where I fall on an issue. To others, here we go.

My thoughts are in bold.

We begin:

Pitt: "I hope we can bomb someone back for you..."

You already had!

Then apparently, we have not bombed them enough.

We were bound to butt heads on this one.


Welcome to the assymetric battlefield soldier. This was not a terrorist attack. This was a COUTNER ATTACK. It was cowardly and un predictable and it created shock and it drew attentino away from the summit.

IN other words - it was tactically succesfful.

This was not pro-action. It was reaction. More bombings will not create less bombings. An eye for an eye, creates blindness.

Huh? Maybe if we were targetting innocent muslims instead of terrorists but they weren't reacting to anything; they were just killing without any goal in mind. Bombing britain will not get them to remove troops. If anything it will increase the amount of effort they put into exterminating the sub-human terrorists. They kill just to kill.

innocent muslims have died from US that point of yours is moot.

The point is NOT moot. Civilians ALWAYS die in wars. That's one of the reasons wars suck so badly.
However, we do not target civilians, anymore than the Canadian armed services do.

Terrorists rejoice when they kill women, teenagers, children, and infants. They seek them out. They feel no remorse.
We don't behave in those ways, and neither do you, Pitt.

you assume bombing britain was the ONLY intended to get troops removed from afghan. it was also to use shock and awe, a term Bush is familiar with (or atleast his admin. is). it will draw attention away from the Summit. It will also spread terror which is the goal of terrorism. But imagine how many terrified afghans taht have nothing to do with al queda there are in afghan. actually don't imagine.

No, they don't do this to get troops out, or detract from the G8 summmit. Arab terrorists want to kill infidels (non-Muslims and "bad" Muslims). It's that simple.

take my first hand accounts from being on tour there in '02 as evidence.

i don't condone what the terrorists did in london. but it was not an unprovoked attack. they are in fact returning the favour. it's disgusting, but the cold hard fact is the world has not shed this many tears for the thousands of innocents lost in iraq or afghanistan.

How to shed those tears? Donate money and food and books... We do that. How many schools and hospitals have we rebuilt in Iraq? I know they don't talk about that on the BBC and MSM and Matt Good's site, but we help people all over the world, including Iraq. We will continue to do so.

38 dead is a tragedy. but i think all americans can agree that when those numbers go into the 5 digits numbers (9/11) it should be time to pay attention. i am only speaking of noncombatants at this time.

i agree those responsible shoudl be brought for justice. but to gointo the first brown muslim country you can spin off the map and exact revenge will only result in the same thing.

Why does the left always play the race card? This is the same left that says "brown people" aren't ready for democracy. (It will be played more later, too.) Personally, if it were the Swedes or the Irish or Africans, I'd vote to take them out, too. Race has nothing to do with this, although it is an effective tool for manipulation by the left.

we must practice what we preach in the west.

Agreed. We are not perfect.

Doc replies:

It wasn't shocking or awe inspiring though. Terrorist blow up commuters. Not very shocking they tend to go after civilians. You see "targeting civilians". So, your point is moot. It hasn't inspired awe just anger. No one is going around saying "wow those terrorist are just so powerful." It's sounds like you are from the ilk of "if some one hits me don't hit them back 'cause they will just hit me again." We were not in Afghanistan or Iraq(u) for 9/11, USS Cole, the first bombing of the trade center. They don't need a reason they only have one reaction to anything and that is to kill. There is no diplomacy with lunatics.

i would wager those injured in the blast are quite shocked.

I am sure individuals in the vicinity were shocked, and some are dead, too. However, shock and awe is used to scare your targets into submission, like in Iraq. Like a blitzkrieg.
It didn't work in London, other than locally.
People still went to work, went home, were pissed off, but went on with their lives.

the attackers are not lunatics. lunatics attack randomly without cause. these were calculated attacks and from a military standpoint should be dealt with as dangerous and strategically planned in nature.

Depends on your definition of a lunatic. Serial-killers are crazy, but most of them are not stupid, but they're still freaking crazy. They are dangerous and behave in calculated and strategic ways, too.
Yep, still crazy. Yeah, we need to kill them, too.
Ever met a reformed serial-killer? Didn't think so.

and actually my policy is don't do anything to deserve being hit in the first place. i don't condone the attacks and i say again the those that engineered the attacks should be brought to justice IAW Int Law and the Geneva Convention. Not American law. And certainly not by going and bombing muslims in retaliation.

I don't think the terrorists follow the Geneva Convention or any other international law. They don't wear uniforms, they don't fight under a flag, they target medical units and civilians, and hide in holy and historical sites.
On and on and on.
Some Muslims need to be bombed. Not all, but some.

do you really think that will solve anything? really?

If we kill them, yes.

i am a soldier and couldn't do my job wihtout recongnising the need for force. operative word being NEED.

in addition i have served in afghanistan (Roto 0 '02) and seen the futility in my and your countries occupation there in achieving our leaders' respective endstates. but again i don't sit by and wait to be hit.

the difference between you and i is i don't see every reaction requiring a military reaction. i would like to see a war and counterattacks as a last resort and not as the first knee jerk reaction. i.e. the huns are at the door (which is probably how some nations see the US.)

Knee-jerk? Here's knee-jerk. I'm president of the United State on September 11, 2001. September 12 I nuke someone (Syria, Iraq, Los Angeles, Michael Moore's house...). That's knee-jerk.
I think our country has acted with incredible restraint and dignified composure, all things considered.
And for the "imperialist US", that's garbage, and we both know it.
We'd have owned Mexico and Canada years ago if that was the case.

these bombings were the symptom. they are not the sickness. i would address the 'why' long before i react to the attacks themselves.

The "why"? Because they hate us. We are unclean infidels; the great Satan. We are dogs and pigs and Zionists to be slaughtered.

one question: is there, in your opinion, abosolutely NO other way to deal with this than counter attack?

What is your suggestion Mr. Pitt? Appeasement does not work with killers. History shows this, and you know history.
My answer may or may not be no, but what is your solution?

if your answer is no, than i will admit this discussion as stale mate due to stubborness.

which i consider consistent killing of their civillians

We kill civilians, Canadians, and our own guys. What's your point?
We don't do it on purpose. Neither does your military.

Every war is a long story of tragic mistakes. Generally, whomever makes the least mistakes wins.

Dr. Phat Tony:

Stale mate then because "evil" can not be negotiated with. But you're moral relevance issues are the cause not my stubborness.

Again: Wow.

To be continued...

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Yay! It's IMAO's 3rd Anniversary!

Today is International Link to IMAO Day!
It's their 3rd anniversary, and man, are they tickled.

Major funny, only minor indigestion! Along with an occasional ruined keyboard from spewing beer or coffee while reading. You can't beat that.

Of course, I have them linked in my side bar, so you can click anytime you wish!
And here is another link in honor of their anniversary: IMAO - Thanks for the Well-Wishes

Thanks to FrankJ et al at IMAO!
(They're the reason I started this site!)

Congrats IMAO. Lets hope you're around for many moons.


Hat-tip to Kevin M. !

Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his
new Washington, DC parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the US Senate for assistance.

The conversation went like this: "Good morning. This is Senator
Reid. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day to yerself. This is Father O'Malley at
St.Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so
kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Senator Reid, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with
a smirk, "Well now f ather, it was always my impression that you people
took care of last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.

Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, that's certainly true, but we
are also obliged to notify the next of kin."

Friday, July 08, 2005

Lunch Musings: Yay! Looney Lefty Lists!

Leftist asshat in natural state.
Help Clean the Environment.
Shoot a dirty hippy today! :)
(Just kidding, hippies...or am I?)

(Thanks to Steve the Pirate for the dirty-hippy picture! Read his article, too!!)

Another List?!?! Oh, No!!!
(It's not the new Gay-List, but that is coming. D'oh! I mean, but that is on the way.)

Well, the moonbats are out in force.
The recent bombings in London have given them another opportunity to bash Bush, Blair (because he backs Bush), and the US in general.

The "caring" lefties never miss an opportunity to stand on a (very) fresh pile of dead, innocent victims to spew their hate and bile. Remember Columbine? Madrid?
Sometimes I truly believe these people hope for catastrophes just so they can ascend a pile of dead bodies to bitch and whine and spout their conspiracy theories.
Of course, the London bombing is Bush's fault, along with the death of Pope John Paul (I kid you not), hurricanes, high oil prices, hate, racism, the 2004 tsunami, good hygiene, etc, etc, etc...

To be fair to these evil, sick, and twisted commies, I have instructed the CUG News team to scour the planet to find things that they believe are not Bush's fault, figuring it had to be a shorter list than what is his fault.
Utilizing the vast, superior news gathering resources of CUG Headline News, we proudly present the following lists -

I. Things that are not George W. Bush's fault, according to DU, Daily KOS, Slate, Ted Rall, and other assorted asshats:

A. Iran and Sadaam (George HW Bush's fault).

B. Teenage drinking (Jenna and Barbara Bush's fault).

(Sorry about the gratuitous twins picture!)
4. 2000 US Presidential Election (Jeb Bush's fault).

D. Hot librarians (Laura Bush's fault).

DD. The Jooos (Jesus Bush's fault).

II. Things that are not George W. Bush's, or any other Bush's fault:

1. @@@@@

ED. #######...

4,623. ????????

There you have it! Now I have given you fodder to stick up for liberals!
It's not all GW's fault! (/sarcasm)

CUG News. Fair. Balanced. A little psychotic. Funny as hell.

Copyright CUG Headline News 2005-Forever!!! Muhahahahahaha!!!

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

About Time We Did Something Right.

Hard-hitting news analysis by CUG News.
(Don't make me hit you hard, too!!! READ CUG!!!)

Boo-hoo-hoo! The evil, imperialistic United States is keeping its ball. (But it's not going home!)

From My Way News:

U.S. to Retain Oversight of Web Traffic.

Jul 2, 8:00 PM (ET)


Any relation to Michael Moore?
FRANKFURT, Germany (AP) - A unilateral decision by the United States to indefinitely retain oversight of the Internet's main traffic-directing computers prompted concerns Friday that the global telecommunications network could eventually splinter.

Notice how the AP gets that word unilateral in there at the first opportunity. EEEK! The whole network could splinter! The sky is falling!!! Haliburton causes global warming!

"This seems like an extension of American security in the aftermath of 9-11," said John Strand, a Denmark-based technology consultant. "People will ask: 'Do the Americans want to control the Internet?'"


Washington's decision, announced Thursday, departs from previously stated U.S. policy.

Translation: Someone finally pulled their heads out of their butts.

Many countries favor gradually releasing oversight of the Internet's so-called "root servers" to an international body, and a showdown on the issue could come in November at a U.N. information society summit to be held in Tunisia. A U.N. report this month on Internet governance is expected to address the issue.

Many countries suck. They hate the US. They look for any opportunity to take the US down, and/or weaken it. Generally, if the UN wants it, I am probably agin it.

Michael D. Gallagher, an assistant secretary at the U.S. Commerce Department, said in announcing the policy shift Thursday that it was a response to growing security threats and increased reliance on the Internet globally for communications and commerce.

Translation for liberals: "Assistant Secratary Mikey says there are baaaad, baaad people out there, and only idiots or the truly evil would give bad people the keys to their house."

Maybe people that would do such things actually hate their children.

But the explanation did little to allay fears that the United States is overstepping its boundaries and locking its grip on the Internet, which as history's most powerful communications tool lets people do everything from sell secondhand shoes to promote Jihad or criticize authoritarian regimes.

Yeah, overstepping boundaries and locking its grip on the thing it conceptualized, invented, designed, built, and has maintained with little problem. My connection works fine. Yours?

Patrik Linden, a spokesman for the foundation that runs the Swedish national domain .se, called the U.S. announcement "rather confrontational" but said the move was what a lot of Internet experts thought Washington had always intended.

Patrik Linden, who spells his name funny, expressed disappointment that the US was being smart, and is doing exactly what his country would do in the same circumstances. Linden later admitted there is not much danger of Sweden being a super-power anytime soon.
He surmised the whole plan must have been the dang Republicans, as liberals quake, cower, and sometimes pee themselves when someone says the word "confrontational".
(What are good slurs for Swiss people? Blondie? Wait, I know - "Hey Blondie, you're French!!" Dang, I don't know. A little help, kind readers?)

A Japanese government official said the declaration was sure to provoke debate. "When the Internet is being increasingly utilized for private use, by businesses and so forth, there is a societal debate about whether it's befitting to have one country maintaining checks on that," said Masahiko Fujimoto of the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications' data communications division.

That's a little more respectful than Blondie was. My opinion, with no slurs, and to answer
Mr. Fujimoto (that's Smith, in Japan) -
Yes, it is befitting to have one country maintaining the checks, as long as it's the US. You know, the guys with the most to lose. The country that everyone hates, while secretly wishing they lived here.
Except for US liberals, and they need to leave.
By the way, Canada isn't far enough, and they don't want you anyway. Most of them are just to polite to say it to you...

The "root servers" in question - 13 computers located mostly in the United States - are the Internet's master directories. They tell Web browsers and e-mail programs how to direct traffic, and Internet users the world over interact with them every day, though most without knowing it.

Most of these servers are in the states; imagine that. That's because we INVENTED IT! We should outright own the whole dang internet and charge rent! Mucho rent for whiners. They're using it for free now, right?
Gee, how about a "Thanks, United States Military, for inventing one of the greatest tools ever conceived for business, communications, and for spreading information and freedom"?
Huh? Maybe?
Well, you're welcome anyway. Asshats.

Robert Shaw, an policy adviser with the Geneva-based International Telecommunication Union, said he understood the basis for the U.S. decision: Root servers and other address-resolving computers lower down the traffic-management chain are vital and merit protecting just as much as cities, water supplies and highways.

Finally, a foreign guy with a clue.

"Many governments are legitimately concerned that another country has ultimate control of basically their communications infrastructure," he said. Some countries have pressed to move oversight of the root servers to an international body such as the ITU, a United Nations group.

Thanks, but no.

Though physically in private hands, the root servers contain government-approved lists of the 260 or so Internet suffixes, such as ".com,"".net" and country designators like ".fr" for France or ".no" for Norway.

Once the CUG is in charge, some designators will change.
For example, conservative US sites will be ".kick-ass", while for France, it will be changed from ".fr" to ".cheese-eating-surrender-monkeys-with-questionable-hygiene".
Liberal US sites will be designated as ".gay" and ".dirty-hippy-traitor".

Yeah, they're a little longer, but I think you'll all agree it is worth it for the descriptiveness
designed to protect the children. For goodness sakes, think about the children!

Naji Haddad, a Lebanese owner of a Web business, believes the U.S. decision will splinter the Internet.

If it splinters, we'll glue it. How the hell is this guy qualified to speak on this matter? Cause he sells crap on Ebay? Why didn't they ask me?
Hey, how about you can have the whole Internet Backbone to make up for being technologically behind, and we'll call it even?
Remember the AT+T breakup? Ruined the best phone system in the world. Only took 25 years to fix. Maybe the UN will give control to Syria or Iran or some of our other friends.

"The announcement will definitely drive countries and organizations toward creating private solutions similar to what is currently offered by and (alternative naming systems), which will result in fracturing the global Internet into several networks," Haddad said.

In a worst-case scenario, countries refusing to accept U.S. control could establish their own separate versions of the Domain Name System, thereby making addresses in some regions unreachable in others.

Good. Make your own! Make it better. That's the free market pal! Send me an email when it's ready (if you can).

The U.S. government has historically played the role of overseer because it funded much of the
Internet's early development. And while it is not known to have interfered in any major sense with traffic-routing affecting other countries, that does not ease concerns that such interference could occur.

Funded much of it. Good one.
Hasn't interfered, but you never know. Don't worry, your evil European kiddy porn and intriguing-but-wrong Asian porn sites are safe with us! You have the Supreme Court on your side! Anything goes in America. Woo-hoo! Firearms and private property aren't protected, but your porn is safe.
Until we get 2 conservatives on the bench. Heh-heh.

"It's not going to work in the long run to have the USA deciding everything by themselves," said Patrik Faltstrom, one of Sweden's foremost Internet experts.

Oh, I think it will work. It has so far. It will in the future. Sorry about not exposing our underbelly to all our enemies, Blondy. Hey, couldn't you guys find an American foremost Internet expert's opinion?
Don't worry, maybe if Hillary wins, she'll give it away like the missle and guidance technology she and Billazabub gave to the Democratic Party Red Chinese - oops!- I mean the Communist Red Chinese.

AP reporters Natalie Obiko Pearson in Tokyo, Mattias Karen in Stockholm, Sweden, and Zeina Karam in Beirut, Lebanon, contributed to this report.

This report was put together by a bunch of foreigners that hate America. So it must be all true. Fair and Balanced.

The internet is ours! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Soon it will be overrun with conservative blogs! We own the net, we own talk-radio. We're taking over cable news (go Fox!). Bow to our superiority!
Yee-Haw! And happy Independence Day! (It's not too late if you're on the metric system, right?)

Copyright CUG Headline News 2005, year of the CUG.