Wednesday, August 31, 2005

I Knew It!

*Exclusive* CUG Headline News *Exclusive*

DU (Democratic Underground) and Daily KOS have proof hurricane Katrina was created by Karl Rove and the Bush administration.

Known as the Bourbon Street Memo, it shows how Rove and the BusHitler used the double-super-top-secret government weather machine at the Pentagon to create the massive hurricane to draw attention away from Cindy Shrillhan, the Robert's confirmation hearings, and artificially high Haliburton influenced gas prices.

CUG Headline news interviewed a dirty-hippy for confirmation of this astounding conspiracy:

Yeah, man. The Rovebots are using the weather machine to make this hurricane to get that racist slave-owner Roberts onto the Supreme Court, man! It's all in the Bourbon Street Memo!
They're disrespecting Cindy, too! Her son died. That gives her special rights to act like a jerk, just like John Kerry does. He was in Viet Nam, man. He's a hero. All the other Nammers are baby killers, though.

Uh, ok. So, you greasy toad, let me set a couple of things straight...
One: There is no such thing as a weather machine.
Two: Roberts is not a slave owner. (But is does make a good sound-byte for asshats).
Three: Cindy disrespects herself and her son.
Four: What! John Kerry was in Viet Nam? Dang it!
I would have voted for him if I knew that at the time! He was there for like 3 whole months!

Totally, dude!
Him and his old lady were for the little guy! I saw it on a sign on their limo one time.
The RepugniKKKans aren't killing enough people and puppies with their illegal war for oily jooooooos, so they made this hurricane.
They get energy from death, man! It's like totally bad karma.
What else did you say?

I said I'll give you some free skunk-bud after the interview.

Woah! Sweet!

So remember, elections are always on Wednsdays, and if you're dead, you can only vote Republican.

Whoa! You got it, dude!
So can I have that bud now?

Sure. Oh, Officer! This guy here has some bud...

Not the taser! OW! OWWWW!! OWWWWWWWWWW!!!


Heh. Stoopid hippies.
Huh. I smell filth burning from somewhere... Oh, well.

So there you have it, folks.
Almost as much proof as Dan Rather and Michael Moore provide for...
anything, I guess...

Copyright CUG Headline News 2005 or so.


Us bloggers gotta stick together (or we may stick apart!).
(With apologies to Ben Franklin.)
It just sounded better than solidarity in this case.
(With apologies to Lech Walesa and the UAW).

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Shootin' Time!!!

Don't forget, Mr. Completely's next e-postal online shooting match must be turned in by Tuesday, September 6th!

Get all the rules, targets, and info here:

e-Postal Handgun Match #2 - "Snub-or-Not"

Let's do some blasting before winter gets here! (Hey! It gets cold in Ohiya!)

Thanks to MensaB for turning me on to these shooting matches to begin with!

Jimmyb: Fair and Balanced.

UPDATE: Guess what? He's a DEMOCRAT!!!
Is he right, left, or just coo-coo for cocopuffs?
From Wikipedia:

Phelps mourned the fall of Hussein's regime and has consistently criticized the invasion of Iraq, citing, "IRAQ=USA=SODOM" and keeping a toll on his webpage celebrating the death of every American soldier killed and pronouncing loyalty to Iraq.

Phelps has also repeatedly championed Fidel Castro for Castro's stance against homosexuality; in 1998 Harper's magazine published a letter Phelps sent to Castro in which he praised Castro and lambasted the US. In 2004, when a pro-homosexual Cuban refugee announced plans to travel to Cuba, Phelps sent another letter to Castro "warning" him of the man's plans and requesting travel visas for a group of WBC congregants so that they could follow the refugee around Havana with signs bearing anti-US and anti-homosexual slogans...

In the 1980s, the Phelps family were strong political allies with then-senator Al Gore.

Rev. Phelps has run in numerous Democratic primary elections for governor of the state of Kansas in 1992, 1994, and the last time in 1998, when he came in last with 15,000 votes out of a total of over 103,000 votes cast, or 15%.
You know if he had hung out with Bush instead of Gore, the MSM would have had a field day with it!

Original post:
I talk about lefty-wing psycho moonbats quite often (hey, they are entertaining!).
In the interest of being fair and balanced, here are some religious self-proclaimed "christian" psychos. (I can't decide what -wing he is. The psycotic wing?)

You can always count on un-biased, balanced coverage at the CUG site.
Oh, wait. That's BS.

But still, here is an example of christy-kooks.

From My Way News:

Anti-Gay Church Protests at GI Funerals

Aug 28, 12:06 AM (ET)


SMYRNA, Tenn. (AP) - Members of a church say God is punishing American soldiers for defending a country that harbors gays, and they brought their anti-gay message to the funerals Saturday of two Tennessee soldiers killed in Iraq.

The church members were met with scorn from local residents. They chased the church members cars' down a highway, waving flags and screaming "God bless America."

"My husband is over there, so I'm here to show my support," 41-year-old Connie Ditmore said as she waved and American flag and as tears came to her eyes. "To do this at a funeral is disrespectful of a family, no matter what your beliefs are."

The Rev. Fred Phelps, founder of Westboro Baptist in Kansas, contends that American soldiers are being killed in Iraq as vengeance from God for protecting a country that harbors gays. The church, which is not affiliated with a larger denomination, is made up mostly of Phelps' children, grandchildren and in-laws.

The church members carried signs and shouted things such as "God hates fags" and "God hates you."

About 10 church members protested near Smyrna United Methodist Church and nearly 20 stood outside the National Guard Armory in Ashland City. Members have demonstrated at other soldier funerals across the nation.

The funerals were for Staff Sgt. Asbury Fred Hawn II, 35, in Smyrna and Spc. Gary Reese Jr., 22, in Ashland City. Both were members of the Tennessee National Guard.

Hundreds of Smyrna and Ashland City residents and families of other soldiers turned out at both sites to counter the message the Westboro Baptist members brought.

So many counterdemonstrators were gathered in Ashland City that police, sheriff's deputies and state troopers were brought in to control traffic and protect the protesters.

The church members held protesting permits, and counterprotesters in Smyrna turned their backs to Westboro Baptist members until time expired on the protest permits.

"If they were protesting the government, I might even join them," Danny Cotton, 56, said amid cries of "get out of our town" and "get out of our country."

"But for them to come during the worst time for this family - it's just wrong."

These folks need an a**-whoopin', too. Is it un-PC to have interment camps for polititards?


More Leftist Anti-war Propaganda Unveiled (Read the whole story by clicking on article's hyperlinked title:


CARBONDALE, Ill. - For two years, Carbondale residents have been riveted by the writing of a little girl imploring her father in Iraq: "Don't die, OK?"

Only now are they learning there was never any danger of that.

The Daily Egyptian, Southern Illinois University's student-run newspaper, today will admit to its readers that the saga - of a little girl's published letters to her father serving in Iraq - was apparently an elaborate hoax perpetrated by a woman who claimed to be the girl's aunt.

"Looking back on it now, it makes so much sense. I don't know how I could have been such an idiot," said Michael Brenner, the former Daily Egyptian reporter who first wrote about Kodee...

Over the months, columns written by Kodee started to become a regular feature on the paper's editorial page. The columns, titled "Kenningsology," talked about her childhood, her newfound friends at the Daily Egyptian, her father, and even President Bush:

"I'm rily mad at you and you make my hart hurt,"' she purportedly wrote in one published letter to the president. "I don't think your doing a very good job. You keep sending soldiers to Iraq and it's not fair. Do you have a soldier of your own in Irak?"

For Brenner, the last straw was when he was told by a reporter that Hastings had "broken down" and confessed that she and Brenner had concocted the hoax together.

Brenner, who was clearly distraught during a telephone interview from a relative's home in Indiana on Thursday, strongly denied the allegation, noting he'd have no motive for such a ploy. "In 2003, I was definitely guilty of some bad reporting. I'm an idiot, not a con-artist."

(Eds note: Bold mine.)
I think the last line says it all.
To me it doesn't really matter if this guy was in on it to bash Bush et al, or was caught up in a hoax. He doesn't have any credibility either way.
Read the whole thing here. It's quite a convoluted tale.

Monday, August 29, 2005

Asimov and the Star Spangled Banner

An interesting note that the late Dr. Asimov doesn't reveal is that he is a Russian immigrant.

It seems people who are TRULY oppressed by their governments appreciate our country more than the whiny, indiginous far-leftists who constantly slam our country.

Asimov loved this country and saw what a shining jewel it was, even though he was fairly liberal.
Whereas the lefty pseudo-patriots here burn our flag or spit on it. They laugh at those who take off their hats and salute the flag. They belittle those who truly believe in "God and country".
They call our troops murderers and criminals. They actively seek our defeat, as well as give aid, comfort, and support to the enemy, and then bluster and caw if someone dares question their motives.
They can support the US by sucking on the tail-pipe of my running American-made pick-up truck. Now THAT'S a public service!
And yes, my truck still has the Bush-Cheney '04 sticker on it.

If you hate our country, get the heck out. We'll take all the Isaac Asimovs, and Cuba and Iran can have the Moore-ons.

By Isaac Asimov

I have a weakness--I am crazy, absolutely nuts, about our national anthem.
The words are difficult and the tune is almost impossible, but frequently when I'm taking a shower I sing it with as much power and emotion as I can. It shakes me up every time.
I was once asked to speak at a luncheon. Taking my life in my hands, I announced I was going to sing our national anthem--all four stanzas.
This was greeted with loud groans. One man closed the door to the kitchen, where the noise of dishes and cutlery was loud and distracting. "Thanks, Herb," I said.
"That's all right," he said. "It was at the request of the kitchen staff."
I explained the background of the anthem and then sang all four stanzas.
Let me tell you, those people had never heard it before--or had never really listened. I got a standing ovation. But it was not me; it was the anthem.
More recently, while conducting a seminar, I told my students the story of the anthem and sang all four stanzas. Again there was a wild ovation and prolonged applause. And again, it was the anthem and not me.

So now let me tell you how it came to be written.

In 1812, the United States went to war with Great Britain, primarily over freedom of the seas. We were in the right. For two years, we held off the British, even though we were still a rather weak country. Great Britain was in a life and death struggle with Napoleon. In fact, just as the United States declared war, Napoleon marched off to invade Russia. If he won, as everyone expected, he would control Europe, and Great Britain would be isolated. It was no time for her to be involved in an American war.

At first, our seamen proved better than the British. After we won a battle on Lake Erie in 1813, the American commander, Oliver Hazard Perry, sent the message "We have met the enemy and they are ours." However, the weight of the British navy beat down our ships eventually. New England, hard-hit by a tightening blockade, threatened secession.

Meanwhile, Napoleon was beaten in Russia and in 1814 was forced to abdicate. Great Britain now turned its attention to the United States, launching a three-pronged attack. The northern prong was to come down Lake Champlain toward New York and seize parts of New England. The southern prong was to go up the Mississippi, take New Orleans and paralyze the west. The central prong was to head for the mid-Atlantic states and then attack Baltimore, the greatest port south of New York. If Baltimore was taken, the nation, which still hugged the Atlantic coast, could be split in two. The fate of the United States, then, rested to a large extent on the success or failure of the central prong.

The British reached the American coast, and on August 24, 1814, took Washington, D. C. Then they moved up the Chesapeake Bay toward Baltimore. On September 12, they arrived and found 1000 men in Fort McHenry, whose guns controlled the harbor. If the British wished to take Baltimore, they would have to take the fort.

On one of the British ships was an aged physician, William Beanes, who had been arrested in Maryland and brought along as a prisoner. Francis Scott Key, a lawyer and friend of the physician, had come to the ship to negotiate his release. The British captain was willing, but the two Americans would have to wait. It was now the night of September 13, and the bombardment of Fort McHenry was about to start.

As twilight deepened, Key and Beanes saw the American flag flying over Fort McHenry. Through the night, they heard bombs bursting and saw the red glare of rockets. They knew the fort was resisting and the American flag was still flying. But toward morning the bombardment ceased, and a dread silence fell. Either Fort McHenry had surrendered and the British flag flew above it, or the bombardment had failed and the American flag still flew.

As dawn began to brighten the eastern sky, Key and Beanes stared out at the fort, trying to see which flag flew over it. He and the physician must have asked each other over and over, "Can you see the flag?"

After it was all finished, Key wrote a four stanza poem telling the events of the night. Called "The Defence of Fort M'Henry," it was published in newspapers and swept the nation. Someone noted that the words fit an old English tune called "To Anacreon in Heaven" --a difficult melody with an uncomfortably large vocal range. For obvious reasons, Key's work became known as "The Star Spangled Banner," and in 1931 Congress declared it the official anthem of the United States.

Now that you know the story, here are the words. Presumably, the old doctor is speaking. This is what he asks Key

Oh! say, can you see, by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?

And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof thro' the night that our flag was still there.
Oh! say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave,
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

"Ramparts," in case you don't know, are the protective walls or other elevations that surround a fort. The first stanza asks a question. The second gives an answer

On the shore, dimly seen thro' the mist of the deep,
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep.
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?

Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected, now shines on the stream
'Tis the star-spangled banner. Oh! long may it wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

"The towering steep" is again, the ramparts. The bombardment has failed, and the British can do nothing more but sail away, their mission a failure.
In the third stanza, I feel Key allows himself to gloat over the American triumph. In the aftermath of the bombardment, Key probably was in no mood to act otherwise.
During World War II, when the British were our staunchest allies, this third stanza was not sung. However, I know it, so here it is

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion
A home and a country should leave us no more?
Their blood has washed out their foul footstep's pollution.

No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave,
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

The fourth stanza, a pious hope for the future, should be sung more slowly than the other three and with even deeper feeling.

Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved homes and the war's desolation,
Blest with vict'ry and peace, may the Heav'n - rescued land
Praise the Pow'r that hath made and preserved us a nation.

Then conquer we must, for our cause is just,
And this be our motto--"In God is our trust."
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

I hope you will look at the national anthem with new eyes. Listen to it, the next time you have a chance, with new ears.

And don't let them ever take it away.

--Isaac Asimov, March 1991

Isaac Asimov was one of the fathers of modern sci-fi, as well as an accomplished chemist and physicist. He was also a staunch Democrat. Maybe the far-left could take some lessons there.
He also credited with writing the 3 Laws of Robotics (if you're a geek, you know what that is).
He published over 460 titles (fiction and non-fiction) throughout his career.
He died on April 6, 1992.

He's been one of my favorite sci-fi authors since I started reading the stuff (when I was 9).
He is still missed.


Sunday, August 28, 2005

My Bad.

Cindy Swanson from Notes In the Key of Life submitted a post for the 17th Carnival of Comedy!
There was so much stuff in it (14 hyperlinks!), I failed to look at the part she intended people to see.
My bad. My first Carnival hosting and all...

So, here is a link to the video (sorry dial-uppers) she wanted people to see in the first place.

Taylor, the Latte Boy!

Not bust a gut ha-ha funny, but nonetheless humorous, cute, catchy, and will make you smile!! The young lady sings quite well, too. Had I known, this would have put her into the pistola section! Definitely worth a listen.

Sorry for the sloppy oversight, Cindy! :)

I'm Sorry.

(Click image to see full size.)
Thanks to iHillary for the image.
Thanks to Mensa Barbie for turning me on to iHillary!
That poster says it all.

To you libs who say, "how dare you question my patriotism?".
I say, "Easy. Like THIS!"

Dear Cindy Shrillhan,

I am sorry.
I am terribly sorry you lost your son. There is nothing more horrific than losing a child.
Been there, done that.
I pray for your son, and for your grief to subside. I pray for all our soldiers and families.

That being said, I would like to state that only selfish pricks use the death of their child to get away with whatever they want. Guess what you are, Cindy?
Your free pass has expired.

I am sorry that you are a shrill, dirty-hippy that hates this great country your brave son died trying to protect. He loved it so much he re-enlisted. God bless him. And screw you.

I am sorry that the left always feels the end justifies the means, regardless of whom they destroy along the way.

I'm sorry your husband left you, but after hearing your un-Godly annoying voice on that TV commercial, I commend him for not killing you in your sleep. He's a heck of a guy. Is fishwife an archaic term?

I'm sorry the second time that commercial came on TV, I yelled, STFU!

I'm sorry that your wacko leftist friends are now harassing wounded soldiers at hospitals.
I'm sorry we can't arrest those a**holes and try them and subsequently execute their traitorous butts. Gitmo is WAY too good for them. There is a special place in hell for those people, Sindy.

I'm sorry the left says being a traitor is the new patriotism. Thanks a bunch, Hillary et al.
I'm sorry this country doesn't prosecute and incarcerate and/or execute traitors on a regular basis. Too many of your kind give aid and comfort to the enemy.

I'm sorry you are swept up by celebrity and are standing on the dead body of your son to get attention and promote you evil, leftist, commie agenda.
I'm sorry the left never fails to miss an opportunity to stand on piles of the dead to promote an agenda... Unless it's the bodies of Iraqis mass murdered Sadaam, or something. That's wasn't a good reason to take him out.

I'm sorry you are willing to let the Iraqi people prematurely fend for themselves and thus live and die under warlords, so you can slam our president, and write for Huffington Post (which is totally gay, I might add).
I'm sorry that %95 of the time I see your face it is smiling. I know grief does strange things, though. It just seems odd.

I'm sorry that I have to listen to that freaking commercial even on FOX NEWS, DANG IT! (So much for them being right-wing, eh?)

I'm sorry you are not within arm's reach of me right now...

I'm sorry I hate you so much, because Jesus tells me to love my enemies.
Simply put: You are an enemy of my country; you are my enemy.

I'm NOT sorry I'm a Christian, even though that precludes me from smashing your skull in with a cement block.
I'm sorry I even thought of that. I never said I was a great Christian.
However Christians, unlike leftards, have rules ya know.

I guess I grudgingly love you in the sense of loving humanity and my fellow man, but I hate what you do, how you do it, and what you stand for.

I'm sorry I said h**l.

I'm sorry you are offended when I say fellow man. I mean that in an asexual non-gender-specific way, so you and your feminazis get over it.

I'm sorry I'm so pissed-off right now.

I'm sorry I said pi**ed-off.

I'm sorry about this post.




Saturday, August 27, 2005

Look Out, Trudeau!

Click on comic to view full-size.
I have officially made a comic strip.
Yes, it is cheesy.
Yes, it sucks.
Yes, I do shoot a hippy in the face (in self defense of couse).

But it is a comic strip!
Look out Doonesbury (Gary T. is a total homo), you're about to get a whuppin'!!!

This was made at the Strip Generator website. Clunky, but still cool.
I guess it's cool because as lame as this comic looks, it's still better than I can draw.

Hat tip to drink me/forever vain for the linky!

Friday, August 26, 2005

Just thought you'd like to see a few cool quotes...

"To preserve liberty, it is essential that the whole body of the people always possess arms, and be taught alike, especially when young, how to use them." (Richard Henry Lee, Virginia delegate to the Continental Congress, initiator of the Declaration of Independence, and member of the first Senate, which passed the Bill of Rights.)
"The great object is that every man be armed ... Everyone who is able may have a gun." (Patrick Henry, in the Virginia Convention on the ratification of the Constitution.)
"The advantage of being armed ... the Americans possess over the people of all other nations ... Notwithstanding the military establishments in the several Kingdoms of Europe, which are carried as far as the public resources will bear, the governments are afraid to trust the people with arms." (James Madison, author of the Bill of Rights, in his Federalist Paper No. 26.)
"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed." (Second Amendment to the Constitution.)
You got that right!!!

Thanks to Right Wing Nation and the Right Wing Professor for these quotes.

They came from "The Right to Keep and Bear Arms, Report of the Senate Subcommittee on the Constitution," Washington: U.S. Government Printing Office, February 1982, p. vii.


Thursday, August 25, 2005

FREEZE HIPPY! The 17th Carnival of Comedy is Here!

Hey, kids!
Jimmyb, the CUG here.

I've been doin' a lot of killin' the last couple of days.
There's always something that needs a-killin'.
You know, grass, weeds, wasps, English ground-hornets, ground hogs, skunks, terrorists, dirty-hippies, commies...

Heh. I love the smell of teh funny in the morning...

I reckon I should see what's in the old gun cabinet today, just in case s'more killin' is a-needed.
Isn't that what they say, kill 'em with funny?

Well, one thing I don't see is a .17 HMR rifle, to commemorate the
17th Carnival of Comedy!
(Note to self, buy .17 HMR rifle today. Mrs. Jimmyb will understand.
"But it's for the Carnival, sweetums!"

I'll dig in the back here and see what I find...
Wow! Lot of cool stuff in here...

I better split these up into Full-auto rifles, pistols, and uh, cap guns.

Full-auto funny:

(Did you know you get one of these Colt M4's free when you host the Carnival?)

Blog-bro Damian G. at Conservathink presents the amazing I'm a freakin' psychic!
Also submitted Conservathink Panel Discussion: Sen. Chuck Hagel (Shameless Opportunist-NE). Language

Buckley F. Williams at The Nose On Your Face uses an ACME computer to present Sheehan Leaves Crawford, Plans Protest At Wile E. Coyote's Cave.

Patriot Xeno at Right Hand of God offers sage advice in Reasons to Not Get Married, Based on 100% Accurate Observations by Patriot Xeno: Part Two. Note: This is NOT sage advice if my wife is reading this! Heh. Love you, sweet-pea!

fmragtops at Fmragtops Spews does some in-depth analysis in What Your Dreams Mean Strikes Back. He even helps jimmyb (that's me!) get to the bottom of his liberal nightmare!!! He also hyperlinks me, and that means extra points!

IMAO Master-blogger Harvey at Bad Example presents A FISTFUL OF B##BIES.
I hope the link works, it's dead right now. Pretty dang funny as I recall (I go to Harvey's pretty regular!). Note: Yep, he's back (and so is Spacemonkey!). Mild Language (esp in comments).

Mr. Right at The Right Place gives quite a Pythonesque presentation called George W. Bush and the Holy Grail.

a4g at Point Five presents First Horrifying Images From Al Qaeda Media Jihad.
Chilling...horrifying...words can't describe...

Swashbuckler Steve the Pirate at Steve the Pirate presents Fake News Item: Beating Up on Kennedy Some More. You can't go wrong with Kennedy jokes. Also, in the spirit of full disclosure, I am also a contributor there; YOU GO THERE NOW! NOW!!!

Senator Walters at The Stall Street Journal presents The Secret of the Smiling Burger.
Dining will never be the same for you...

Elisson at Blog d'Elisson presents Ask Mr. Debonair. An odd assortment of information. How does he come by this knowledge? Mild language.

The "I'll bust a cap in yo commie behind wit my gat!" section.
(Not as high powered, but sweet!) :

("My birthday-present! It came to me on my birthday, my precious."... I hope! If you would like to donate a tricked-out Smith and Wesson 945 to the CUG, please email me!)

Newcomer Remulax MoxArgon at The MoxArgon Group presents EPISODE #2: THE MOONBAT QUESTION. Can you say potential, kids? Also submitted Episode #3: Preachers, Assassins, & Dictators, Oh my...

dr.dna at teh voodoo lounge presents the interesting Combining multiple genres: an experiment in the art of storytelling (I think the title is as long as the post!)
Maybe this is full-auto, and just over my head. MILD LANGUAGE

Vox Poplar at Vox Poplar Is right About Everything & Don't You Forget It! presents It's All Very Simple Really, a special guest commentary by Noam Chomsky I don't know if it has bad language because I can't understand the words! (Bring dictionary!) Also submitted, "What we have here is a failure to communicate..."

Janet at The Art of Getting By has tips for teachers (yay! that's me!) and shoppers in (Diamonds) Dollar Stores Are A Girl's (Teacher's) Best Friends.

Mr. Satire at presents Pink Revolution Complements God's Rainbow Palette By Giving Muslim Sodomites Quranic Right to Marry. Caution: Minor language, some pics NSFW.

Tommy at Striving For Average clarifies the Puffy mystery with I Gotta P.

David at third world county presents Who knew ya could milk penguins?!?
Uh, I didn't. (Of course, I thought that was relegated to mammals...)

Fitch at Radioactive Liberty reminds me why I listen to Slipknot (NOT!!) in Slipknot Sues.
Sorry, I'm just a Maiden fan from way back!

bob at either orr is funny and loquacious in Saddam gets life (or, The Days of Our Lives)

The Evil Emperor Mindstation at Point Five presents M11: Episode 3-1/2-- The Sacred Heart of Darkness. Action, Adventure, War and Peace.

Pete at The Daily Cause performs a concise mini-fisking in Hagel's Logic.

Hatcher at Ideas Hatched presents the ever-so-aptly titled The Masochism of Golf.

Citizen Grim at Right Hand of God gives us the cute but theologically questionable Well, It Obviously Isn't Humor.

Cap pistols, but still cool:

They don't make 'em like this anymore! Well, except for these:

Paul seems a little angry at soapgun, while he presents Jumping Jack A##. Tell us what you really think, Paul!! (I agree with you, BTW!)

Ironman at Political Calculations does a nice little fisking on some Warning Labels.

Miriam at miriam's ideas exhibits subtle humor in Vicious George takes a vacation.

Don Surber at Don Surber compares and contrasts in The Dukes vs. The Clampetts. LANGUAGE

Josh Cohen at Multiple Mentality presents The CAIOS of LOL. Language.
It will make you LOL, or something.

Cindy Swanson at Notes in the Key of Life pimps many people and places in I'm in love with Taylor, the Latte Boy. Interestingly, she reviews a Christian singer (cool!), pimps coffee and restaurants (among other things), bemoans the death of the inventor of the synthesizer (Mr. Moog) and recently had her 27th wedding anniversary (Congrats Cindy!! :) )
However, THIS POST ISN'T FUNNY!!!! No offense. Wrong Carnival, maybe?

I just don't know what to say about Mondo at Mondo Blog presenting Mondo goes to the Gym.
Really. I just don't...
No, really.

Bill C at Brain Droppings presents (with apologies to Roger Waters) Tear down The Wall.

Mark A. Rayner at The Skwib ridicules intelligent design in New sect of Pastafarians believe it is Vikings, not pirates, that cause global warming. CUG reports, you decide.

And now for the LEGAL STUFF I have to do to avoid being bitten by a Spacemonkey and contracting uhhh... some sort of disease or something you can get from being bitten by a Spacemonkey (he was much more mellow before he lost his sunglasses!) :

The Carnival of Comedy will continue at the following sites on the dates shown (stolen from IMAO's Carnival notice from August 24):

Carnival Scheduled Stops:
Week 18 - Sep. 1 - Doc Rampage Don't let the 'rampage' stuff fool you, Doc's heart is as big as the mondo graphic dominating his blog.
Week 19 - Sep. 8 - Rapid Politics Rapid sounds good to me, this intralectoral time period is making me antsy.
Week 20 - Sep. 15 - Either, Orr Neither, nor, have, has, had, do. did. done,
Week 21 - Sep. 22 - Instapundit
Week 22 - Sep. 29 - Nobody yet

Send your mindless yammering re: hosting the Carnival of Comedy to flyingspacemonkey-at-gmail-dot-com. (substitute the appropriate nonsense, y'know the 'at' and the 'dot')

Also, here is the secret Carnival code.
You want to know what it means?


Contained within the secret:
A contemplative badger.
A dirty-hippy communist monkey named Cindy S.
The winner of MTV's Pimp My Cow contest.

Addtional info is available at the IMAO Carnival page, last updated when Jesus was in middle-school.

Stop by my blogparents house - IMAO. (Caution: Coffee spewing is a common side-effect.)
Note: I'm throwing a HUGE party there when FrankJ goes on vacation!

And of course, no carnival would be complete without pimping the IMAO podcast.
IMAO has teh funny in major abundance in the podcast! Check them out!
And remember kids, you don't need a gay iPod to listen to it! Yay!

Please keep in mind, this is my FIRST! hosting of, well.., anything, so be gentle with me.

And to Sticky B, IMAO comment section commentor, FIRST, FIRST, FIRST, FIRST, FIRST, FIRST!!
BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! Who's the d*** now?!?!?!?!?!

Lastly, the gratuitous Bush twins picture, showing them laughing maniacally at my skillful, clever and flawless comedic Carnival presentation:

Sorry girls, I'm taken.

(Do I have enough IMAO hyperlinks?)


Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Stolen Picture!

Yes, this picture is blatently stolen from a post by the always thought-provoking Mensa Barbie!
It was just too freakin cute, though!
My aplogies...
Stop over and say howdy to MensaB today!

Oh yeah, and buy some of Dr. Phat Tony's Spectacular Swag! :)

(Click picture to see it full-size!)

Come and Get Them!

Promise, indeed.
Man, I love this site!!!

A Human Right.

Go check them out!

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Don't Forget! Carnival Time!

The 17th Carnival of Comedy is tomorrow!
And it's hosted by ME! YAY!

Carnival info is here.

And tomorrow the carnival will be HERE!

Stop in and see all the high-power funny.
Tons of laughs. All at rock-bottom prices!!!

Disclaimer: jimmyb (The Conservative UAW Guy), CUG Industries, IMAO, and Steve the Pirate are not responsible for you peeing yourself due to you laughing so hard.

Definitely a Lib.

In this country, he would be hailed by Hillary and Hollywood as an eclectic, misunderstood genius, and unfair target of right-wing Jesus freaks.

Chinese artist defends fetus artwork
By Alexa Olesen, Associated Press Writer

BEIJING --A Chinese artist who grafted the head of a human fetus onto the body of a bird has defended his work as art after a Swiss museum withdrew the piece from an exhibit.

"It's precisely because I respect all life that I did this," artist Xiao Yu said Tuesday. He said the bird and fetus "died because there was something wrong with them. ... I thought putting them together like this was a way for them to have another life."

Wow. What a sicko.
A sign of the times, I guess.
And before the commets roll in saying it is unfair to say he is a lib, I will counter with this:

A. He is a commie (Red Chinese flavor), so we know the left and the Clintons love him and his form of government, and

B. He thinks Michael Moore is honest, thoughtful and immensly talented, and finally

C. He prefers dead babies to live ones.
Definitely a lib.

Viva la Choice!!!


Sunday, August 21, 2005

Ah, Shoot!

UPDATE: I mailed a letter signed by myself, and Missus Jimmyb, today!
Ok Scott! Make sure you have some beer when we show up.
(For after shooting, of course.)

Scott G from Ah, Shoot! has an interesting post regarding the construction of the largest shooting range in the country!!!

An excerpt:

One of these possible projects is the Clark County Sport Shooting Park.

This sounds great. But they need support. Some of this is from public funds, so anyone in the country can write a letter to ask that the project be completed.

What we need at this time (before Sept 28), are letters from citizens who support the park...
Don Turner
Shooting Park Manager

Slide on over to Ah, Shoot to get the whole story!
It's a worthy cause, and it's cheap to write a letter!!! :)


Saturday, August 20, 2005

'Erotic Show' Planned for N.Y. Fundraiser

Why does this not surprise me in the least?
Hat tip to Boinkette, who is a leftist hippy at heart, but amusing at times! :)

'Erotic Show' Planned for N.Y. Fundraiser

NEW YORK - With his campaign for city council going no place fast, Victor Bernace felt he needed something special to spark interest in his next fundraiser. How about exotic dancers?

The New York Democrat said Saturday he plans to have bikini-clad go-go dancers and men in nothing but briefs at a "Havana Night" campaign party next month at a Manhattan nightclub.

There will be no nudity at the $20-per-head event, Bernace said, but he promised "a sexy, erotic show."

"I'm throwing a fun event. Most politicians — I've been to their fundraisers, and they are boring," he said. "People can go with a standard politician who will disappear into the woodwork. I'm trying to be part of the next generation."

Bernace, a Harvard-trained lawyer who makes a living representing cab drivers, is trying for the third time to unseat an incumbent in a working-class district in northern Manhattan.

Asked if he thought a risque event might offend some voters, Bernace said he wasn't concerned and suggested the event might help get young men interested in politics.

"I'm not running for mayor in a small, old-time religious town in Utah. I'm running in New York City," he said. "I might as well try to energize a different base."

Nice to know what Bernace thinks about us old-time religious folk.

This is the party that respects and empowers women, right.
Respectable, empowered strippers and whores.
How quaint.


Friday, August 19, 2005

More Fun from the Traitorous ACLU

Jay, over at Stop the ACLU has a lovely tidbit for your reading pleasure.

ACLU lawyers at Gitmo?

U.S. military sources tell Joseph Farah’s G2 Bulletin that American Civil Liberties Union attorneys have been permitted to advise Guantanamo Bay prisoners, including Taliban and al-Qaida operatives, that they have the right not to answer the questions of interrogators.

In addition, the Pentagon has brought in a veteran staff attorney from the ACLU to serve as chief defense counsel in future military tribunals.

That story is breaking now at the premium, online, intelligence newsletter published by the founder of WND.

Jay also rightly asks,
"How does this fall into American civil liberties? And why is it not considered aiding the enemy?"
A darn good question, Jay.

Read the whole article here.
Thanks, Jay!


The new Piratecast from Steve the Pirate is here: PIRATECAST!

Go on over and get yourself a heapin' helpin' 'o' funny!

I should be in the next one, but was not able to make the deadline because of personal time constraints, and the fact I am a tard when it comes to making mp3's at home.
I'll figure it out, though!

Check out the podcast! These guys are FUNNY!
If you are sober, they're as funny as me when your really drunk! ;)

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Happy Sweet 16!

The 16th Carnival of Comedy is up at Point Five.

Of course, in keeping with the unparellelled standards one has come to expect from the crew of a4g, Evil Emporor Mindstation, and Prof. Stephen Hawking, it is a top notch carnival!!!

Myself having a post there, which of course all of you have already read, doesn't hurt anything either.

So head over to the Carnival of Comedy at Point Five, and get yo-self a big helping of "teh funny"!

Ready on the Right, Ready on the Left...

The second pistol competition is beginning at Mr. Completely. He is a big friend of the 2nd Amendment!
I got disqualified (and rightly so, I might add) in the first competition, for not shooting at the correct distance.

Watch out this time!!! I'm on it, Holmes!

Go get the info here: e-Postal Handgun Match #2 - "Snub-or-Not"

The wife and I had a blast on the last one. If you shoot almost ANY pistol, this contest is for you!
Happy shooting, and good luck!

Oh, and if you're a gun-grabbing lib, too bad! :)


You ever have one of those days where you just don't seem to have any time?

Where it seems like you can't think of a dang thing to write about?

Where, if you actually did write something it just looked like crap to you?

Where you just basically had brain freeze, and wondered why the hell you ever thought you could write, or blog, or why you ever surmised that anybody even gave a crap about what you wrote?

Yeah, me neither.

But if I did, it would turn into a posting like this one!

(My apologies in advance...)

Wednesday, August 17, 2005


I forgot to pimp the Piratecast from the Steve the Pirate site!!
That's my home-away-from-home!

Steve and Zwiebel have made this podcast for your listening pleasure!
It's funny.
I'll contribute someday, after I learn to do more than just turn the monitor on and off!!!
Tentatively, there should be one a week!

Ipods are still gay, but listening to Pirate podcasts RULES!!!

Download the Steve the Pirate podcast HERE.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

One for the Ladies, Perhaps? More Gun Stuff!

"Whatcha got there jimmyb?"

Well, I'll tell ya what I got here!

This here is a Beretta model 21A semi-automatic pistol.
It's cool.

And small.
It's about 4.8 inches long, by 3.7 inches high, and about an inch thick, with a 2.4 inch barrel.

It shoots .22 caliber long-rifle rounds, and has a magazine capacity of 7+1.
For all you non-gunny folk, that means the magazine holds 7 rounds, plus you can have an additional round in the chamber, ready to fire.

There are a few sweet things about this pistol.

1. It's cool looking and all black and mean! :)

2. It is VERY compact. It literally fits in the palm of my hand.
It will definitely fit in a shirt or pants pocket quite handily, as well as in a purse or ankle holster.

3. The tip-up barrel. This is cool, too! One problem women (and some guys) have with semi-autos is having enough hand/forearm strength to pull the slide back fully to chamber a round. This is even more so a problem with smaller pistols, as there is less pistol there to grip!
This particular gun is in almost brand new condition, and pulling the slide back takes noticeable effort for myself, even though I am a big, strapping, conservative union guy.

What to do, what to do? Tip-up barrel to the rescue! By pressing the release on the left side (above the trigger) of the gun, the barrel will "tip up", allowing one to insert a cartridge into the chamber, without having to cycle (pull back) the slide manually. Once the barrel is pressed back down, the gun can be fired simply by pulling the trigger (which is reasonably light). This is a double-action weapon, so the hammer need not be pulled back to fire the gun from the un-cocked (hammer down) position.

Accuracy is about what one would expect for a semi-auto of this size. It's ok, but no tack-driver. Of course, it was not designed to be a tack-driver.

This would definitely make a nice backup weapon for a man. And a good backup for a woman, or perhaps even a primary defense weapon (some is better than none!).
Heck, this wouldn't be out of the question as a primary weapon for anybody if conceal-ability and weight were large determining factors.

One con: It is a little persnickety about ammo. It just doesn't like Thunderbolt ammo!
Dang! That's usually all I buy. However, it will digest Winchester jacketed 22's all day long, so I guess that'll have to do!

*sigh* I love gun pr0N.


The MAN Keepin' the Ferrets Down...

Poor Frenchy the Ferret!

Apparently, the USOC didn't want anyone to confuse the ferrets with the weasely French.
Especially after they got beat out for hosting the 2012 Olympics.

Ha ha!

USOC Forces 'Ferret Olympics' Name Change

EUGENE, Ore. (AP) -- After nine years of slippery, slinky competition, the Ferret Olympics is being forced to change its name - the U.S. Olympic Committee has threatened to sue.

An estimated 75 ferrets will vie for medals at the Ferret Agility Trials on Sunday in events including the tube run and the paper bag escape. Only "they are not Olympians anymore," organizer Melanee Ellis said with a laugh.

Ellis started the Ferret Olympics in 1996, the year of the Atlanta games, as a fundraiser for a local ferret shelter.

Ellis, 44, said she could hardly believe the woman on the phone was serious about the threat of a lawsuit for unauthorized use of a trademark.

U.S. Olympic Committee spokesman Darryl Seibel said the committee's legal department on average asks about 50 groups per year to stop using the name Olympics.

"No one is being singled out," Seibel said. "But the accumulated effect of letting that go unchecked would hinder the ability we have to do what we do."

Hat tip to Gall and Wormwood for showing me this.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Oh, No! Another Gay List.

It's back! Due to high demand (one person asked!), and the fact that I just lost an hour and a half of original writing on Blogger, here is another gay list.

Man I hate it when I lose stuff! I am sooooooooo pi***d!
Verdict: Gay. But free.

9. Mopeds and Vespas, unless you're under 17.
Tre gay.

8. Gay Pride Parades (thanks Doc Phat Tony!)
Besides being completely gay for being…well gay, it's also gay to have a parade about your sexuality. I don't want to see your dad and dad in leather any more than I want to see your mom and dad in leather. Libs are always whining about privacey and what goes on behind closed doors. KEEP IT THERE! Behind closed doors is a good place for everyones' sexuality! Keeping it private is good, too.

So you're gay? I DON'T CARE!!!
See, conservatives don't want to be in your bedroom. Go away, already.

To be fair, I will outlaw hetero-pride parades as well.
So, STFU, ok?

7. This guy: Peter Pan Yeeeeesh!! This site is disturbing, to say the least! Even scarier, his site counter says "he" has over 7 million hits!
Once again, thanks to Dr. Phat Tony, who found this, too.

I think I may see a pattern here, Doc...

6. The Honda Element - Motorized lunchbox for homos. Veridict: Gay and tree-huggy at the same time. What a bonus. Instead of 1,2 and Drive, gear shift shows Sashay, Saunter, and Skip Merrily.
Mondo gay.

5. Scion XB - My theory:
One day, two un-original homosexual design engineers needed to come up with a little gay SUV idea.
They did a few bong-hits, and then decided to copy a Honda Element. So as to not get in trouble for patent infringement, they made it twice as gay as the Element.
Why can't ELF torch these swishy eye-sores?

I don't know which is the bigger crime; stealing ugly psuedo-intellectual property, or a doubly gay Element.

Verdict: Too gay to be allowed on rural roads.

4. Huffington Post - OMG, could they be more whiny, shrill and pretentious at the same time?
Survey says... Gay!
(Except for Greg Gutfeld. He rocks! I've even got him linked on my side bar and I am totally not gay!)

3. People who read Huffington Post and think it makes sense (except for reading Greg Gutfeld! If I was gay, which I'm not, I'd date Greg! Except he's not gay.)

2. Rember number three? Let's move up a notch.
People that read Huffington Post and call it Huff-Po.
If you were in front of me and said that I would strangle you till you passed out, then set you on fire.

Uhhhh.... and then strangle you again once you cooled down.

Huff-Po; give me a freaking break.
(Greg Gutfeld is excepted from this.)

1.5 Junky-ass IEC rated "industrial" starters and contactors, and those *$#@!%$^&* stupid industrial finger-safe, European-style contact and terminal blocks!!!!

Man! I just want to carpet-bomb all of Europe every time I have to use those!!!
(No offense to my UK buddy, Peter C. Glover. He's way cool!!)
Totally gay and aggravating and stoopid.

and the number one for the list:

1. Holy crap! Yes, this is really real, and really gay: Spray On Mud

From the British manufacturer's site:
If you’ve got a 4X4 or off-roader, Sprayonmud will send a message to anyone who disapproves or is just plain envious – you use your off-roader, off the road as well as on it.
What, you can't get real mud? Sissy.
What's next, rainbow colored mud? Sheesh!
Verdict: It's elementary, my dear Watson! Way gay.

Well, that's it for the new gay list.
Stop back soon, where we will delve into what is gay or not.
Because you wouldn't want to look gay...
(Not that there's anything wrong with that!)

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Stop the ACLU

I have been meaning to do a "Spotlight" piece to discuss links on my sidebar.
I figure like once a week, I could pick one and give you my humble take on it, with an upfront link, and let you folks decide for yourself after that.

I honestly do visit every link you see in the sidebar.
(Obviously not all every day!)

So my first spotlight is to tell you about the Stop the ACLU site.

I joined up a while back (and need to get their logo/link on my sidebar) and have linked to them almost since I started this blog.

These folks do great work, and are getting national attention now.
Here is an article about them on World Net Daily.
They are dedicated to stopping the ACLU's evil, commie agenda.

I am going to some work for them here pretty soon (mailing letters to churches and stuff).
Maybe you could, too!
Stop by and check them out.


Saturday, August 13, 2005

Imagine That.

This article kind of speaks for itself.

Governor’s Office Steered Terror Aid - Newark Star-Ledger

The homeland security grants sparked controversy in July when The Star-Ledger reported that 93 percent of the $23 million handed out since 2002 had gone to districts controlled by Democrats. At the time, Codey spokeswoman Kelley Heck said the governor’s office “didn’t play a role in the awarding of those grants.”

More than $8 million was allocated for the program this year with 94 percent going to districts controlled by Democrats. The money was part of the 2005 budget approved six weeks before McGreevey announced his resignation last summer.

When the grants were distributed in April, more than $7.8 million went to Democratic legislative districts. Municipalities in Republican districts got $523,454, despite requesting a similar amount as Democrats.

Go read the whole thing here.
Have we heard from the self-rightous Dems about their own "taking advantage" of 9/11?

I thought not.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Woo-Hoo!! CUG Rockin' for Long Time to Come!!!


Short story.
My finger-tips on my left hand feel like they are asleep sometimes. Left arm/hand = bad.

So, I went to make sure my heart wasn't going to explode out of my chest.
I have an engineering and technical background, but I'm pretty sure your heart exploding out of your chest is bad.
(Update: Yes it is bad; confirmed by wifey-nurse and doctor.)

So I got the physical and EKG, and asked about blood-work. I'm ancient (that means over 35), so I figured it's time to get that junk checked. (Per Doctor - Numbness may be carpal tunnel. I don't hardly ever eat fresh fish, though!!!)

Also, in my normal characteristic truthfulness (hey, I'm a conservative ya know!), I told the doctor that I might imbibe in alcoholic beverages more so than perhaps the average non-blogger or non-technical person.
(I know how you bloggers and techies are; I look like a freakin' tea-totaler compared to you!)

So, he said we would check my liver enzymes(?) or whatever, just cause I'm an old lush.
I've put enzymes in my septic tank... any relation?

Good news! My body, as I have always known, is an unstoppable machine for destroying evil alcohol!!! Yay!
Therefore, I am still committed to ridding the planet of this foul substance one can/bottle/flagon/jug/urn/goblet/flute
/schooner/tumbler/flask/keg/glass/shot glass
/coffee cup/shoe/palmful at a time.
I know, it seems like impossible odds, but I'm thinking about the children.
And puppies.
And, of course, my superior conservative liver is keeping up fantastically.

Bad news. My cholesterol is a "little" high. Repeat, a "little". No drugs required!
As much cow, steer, pig, deer, chicken, egg, and bacon (yeah, I know I said pig, but I LOVE bacon) as I eat, I figure I can cut down and be back in happy number land in no time.
They didn't say anything about my weight either, confirming my suspision that I just have a generous and comforting protective layer. That layer is payed for, by the way.

(*sigh* I can eat a pound, before cooking, of bacon in a setting... Mayhap those days are over. Bummer.)

But overall, as Cartman says, KICK-ASS!

This means I will be here to aggravate the (lefty) masses for a long time to come!
Especially Toad and Elroy (Damian's troll).

Unless I get blown up by a splodey-tard or something.


Could This Be Any Cooler?

Maybe not. (Click on picture for better view.)
Yeah, I'm proud of it for a few reasons:

1. Doing my part to save the world. God is an NRA member.

2. It pisses off liberals.

3. It reenforces the stereotype that conservatives like guns. Yay!

And yes, it is framed and hanging up on the wall!
Heh. Maybe Wayne and I can drink a beer together, later! :)

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Why Be Honest? Do What Works.

Update: They pulled the ads, but I'm still pissed (plus, I'm not going to waste all this writing!).

Once again, documented proof of rabid leftist baby-killers colluding with the Main Stream Media. Man, I hate NARAL as much as I hate NAMBLA.

Maybe these folks can use the old
"unborn-kids-are-parasites-and-thus-deserving-of-death" argument,
like one of my commenters did.
That really gets the inbred fly-over country fundie-hicks on your side...

Of course, my thoughts in bold.

From Drudge Report:

Tue Aug 09 2005 19:41:54 ET

CNN has reviewed and agreed to run a controversial ad produced by a pro-abortion group that falsely accuses Supreme Court nominee John Roberts of filing legal papers supporting a convicted clinic bomber!
Hey, CNN, C-BS, ABC, whatever. They don't let facts get in the way of their agenda.

The news network has agreed to a $125,000 ad buy from NARAL, the DRUDGE REPORT has learned, for a commercial which depicts a bombed out 1998 Birmingham, AL abortion clinic.
Hey, cash is cash. The left has no qualms about standing upon death and destruction to preach.
Best. Soapbox. Ever.

The Birmingham clinic was bombed seven years after Roberts signed the legal briefing.
The linking of Roberts to "violent fringe groups" is the sharpest attack against the nominee thus far. However, the non-partisan University of Pennsylvania’s Annenberg reviewed the NARAL ad and found it to be “false.”

So? We're the MSM. We can't let falsehoods stop a sale. Or an agenda. found "in words and images, the ad conveys the idea that Roberts took a legal position excusing bombing of abortion clinics, which is false."

Which no one in the MSM will report. is pretty cool. They zing both sides. Although they lean a little left, but that could just be my justified right-wing paranoia.

The Republican National Committee is preparing to send a letter to television stations asking them to pull the spot, according to sources.
Which they won't unless they get too much pressure from the public. We already know what they think about the RNC, and conservatives in general.

The RNC’s letter claims: "NARAL's ad is a deliberate misrepresentation of the facts that has no purpose but to mislead the American people."
True, but again, who's counting?
(Except us bloggers! Yay, us! And maybe Fox News!)

Step Up, Ladies. Save the Planet!

(Click on poster for a better view.)
What Republicans REALLY want! Take back the vote, barefoot and pregnant, WOO-HOO!

Disclaimer: THIS IS SATIRE!!! Get over it! Jeez!
Thanks to Evil Conservative Inustries and Glenn Beck for the poster! :)

Priceless Blogging Tip!

A recent post I had at Steve the Pirate's site. Stop by and say hi to Steve. He's got some great new material!!

Dear jimmyb,

Since you are a master-blogger, with at least 4 readers now, I wanted to ask you how much time should I spend blogging?
How do I know if I am spending enough time perfecting my craft, and gathering information for future posts.
I want to have top-shelf material like you and Steve the Pirate!

Signed, A baby-blogger

To which I replied:

Dear bb,

You did say master-blogger, right? Ahem.

Ok, the method I have arrived at for blog-time determination is this:

When you tell your wife, “Honey, I’m going to go work on my blogging (that I don’t get paid for), ok?”
and she responds,
“Hey, maybe you can just marry your stupid blog and computer”, there is information you can glean from this.

Upon hearing this, you then know you need to spend about an addtional one to two hours a day more on blogging.

Hope this helps! Watch for insightful relationship advice next week! :)

Signed, jimmyb the CUG

The Carnival is in Town!

My buddy Damian at Conservathink (who's site I blogsitted recently) is hosting the Carnival of Comedy 15!

Lots of teh (sic) funny there, so hurry along!

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Hard-core Racist Lefties.

Here is why it should be legal to beat the living hell out of tree-hugging, bunny-nuzzling hippies.

Once again, the far-left shows us what they really think!
Thanks hippies! The left always loses when they show their true colors.
(Hi, I want to raise your taxes, disarm you, and control what you say; vote for me!)

Here is my letter to PETA:

Dear PETA et al,

Please keep up your evilness and vile hate so everyone can see you for what you really are, you contemptible, hate-filled, racist psychos.
I pray I live long enough to see you disappear. :)

jimmyb, the CUG

(Note smiley face at end because I'm such a nice guy!)
To say that this is TOO MUCH would be an understatement.
I'm sure the ACLU will come out in force to back them up, though.
(Click the below title to read the whole, disgusting thing.)

Holy Smokes!

I've seen this on the History Channel before.
However, it never ceases to amaze me.

I want to be able to do this when I grow up...

See it here: Speed-shooter.

Hat tip to Ah, Shoot! Thanks, yo!


Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Woo-Hoo! Avast Ye Matey

I am officially a contributor on the blog - Steve the Pirate - Yay!

Steve rules! And he's very funny.
He needs me so his site isn't too funny, and the liberals try to burn it down like a Starbucks during a G8 summit.

He has great posts over there, so visit Steve, and as an added bonus, you might see ME!

A Little Good News

Now, if the GOP would act like Republicans we would be all set.
Too many RINO's and sissies, not enough real conservatives.
From the Washington Times:

Polls find preference for GOP

The 2008 presidential election may be 1,170 days away, but Gallup already has declared that Republican candidates edge out Democrats in hypothetical matchups...

Q: How many Republicans does it take to spend money like a bunch of Democrats?
A: Dude. That is totally not funny! Stoopid RINO's!

I would like to take this opportunity to say that my home state (of Ohio) senators Mike "I hate guns" DeWine and George"I cry like a little-girl" Voinovich, both suck.
Our governor isn't so hot, either.

No obsessive party loyalty here folks. Just honesty.
Between these hats and coin-gate, they have done irreparable damage to the party in Ohio.
The Constitution party looking better all the time!

Jimmyb - Fair and balanced, as usual...


Monday, August 08, 2005

Dirty Reds and Hippies Take Note.

I miss Reagan. A lot.

How do you tell a communist?
Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin.
And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin.

~Ronald Reagan

Any way we can get him back?

Dear Jesus,
You know I don't ask for much, but...
(Maybe in spirit?!?!?!?!)

Hat tip to PJ Maximum - The Uber-Conservative (that's the best kind!!!).
She had several quotes along with this one in her Words of Wisdom post.
Thanks, Uber!

Your Tax Dollars at Work

Planned Parenthoods mission:

Kill as many babies as possible, eradicate Christians.

This is a truly disturbing post, but mandatory reading, over at The Dawn Patrol.

Planned Parenthood Fantasizes About Blowing Up 'Anti-Choicers'

Chilling, actually. It is nice to know what people think of you, however.
It just burns me up that our tax dollars fund these animals.
I am going to write my lame-ass congressmen. Not that they'll do anything, just to vent.

Thanks to The Dawn Patrol, whom I have never heard of, but will be visiting again...

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Something to Remember.

I don't agree with GW and the Republicans on everything (they tend to list a little to far to the left for me), but let's look a the facts:

Square miles of
counties won
Bush 2.54 million
Kerry 592,000
Population (2003) of
counties won
Bush 159,2 million
Kerry 130.9 million
States won by: Kerry=19
Population of counties won by: Gore=127 million Bush=143 million

Square miles of land won by: Gore=580,000 Bush=2,2427,000

States won by: Gore=20 Bush=30

Murder rate per 100,000 residents in counties won by:

Kind of telling.
Thanks to Liberal Scum for the info!!