Monday, August 15, 2005

Oh, No! Another Gay List.

It's back! Due to high demand (one person asked!), and the fact that I just lost an hour and a half of original writing on Blogger, here is another gay list.

Man I hate it when I lose stuff! I am sooooooooo pi***d!
Verdict: Gay. But free.

9. Mopeds and Vespas, unless you're under 17.
Tre gay.

8. Gay Pride Parades (thanks Doc Phat Tony!)
Besides being completely gay for being…well gay, it's also gay to have a parade about your sexuality. I don't want to see your dad and dad in leather any more than I want to see your mom and dad in leather. Libs are always whining about privacey and what goes on behind closed doors. KEEP IT THERE! Behind closed doors is a good place for everyones' sexuality! Keeping it private is good, too.

So you're gay? I DON'T CARE!!!
See, conservatives don't want to be in your bedroom. Go away, already.

To be fair, I will outlaw hetero-pride parades as well.
So, STFU, ok?

7. This guy: Peter Pan Yeeeeesh!! This site is disturbing, to say the least! Even scarier, his site counter says "he" has over 7 million hits!
Once again, thanks to Dr. Phat Tony, who found this, too.

I think I may see a pattern here, Doc...

6. The Honda Element - Motorized lunchbox for homos. Veridict: Gay and tree-huggy at the same time. What a bonus. Instead of 1,2 and Drive, gear shift shows Sashay, Saunter, and Skip Merrily.
Mondo gay.

5. Scion XB - My theory:
One day, two un-original homosexual design engineers needed to come up with a little gay SUV idea.
They did a few bong-hits, and then decided to copy a Honda Element. So as to not get in trouble for patent infringement, they made it twice as gay as the Element.
Why can't ELF torch these swishy eye-sores?

I don't know which is the bigger crime; stealing ugly psuedo-intellectual property, or a doubly gay Element.

Verdict: Too gay to be allowed on rural roads.

4. Huffington Post - OMG, could they be more whiny, shrill and pretentious at the same time?
Survey says... Gay!
(Except for Greg Gutfeld. He rocks! I've even got him linked on my side bar and I am totally not gay!)

3. People who read Huffington Post and think it makes sense (except for reading Greg Gutfeld! If I was gay, which I'm not, I'd date Greg! Except he's not gay.)

2. Rember number three? Let's move up a notch.
People that read Huffington Post and call it Huff-Po.
If you were in front of me and said that I would strangle you till you passed out, then set you on fire.

Uhhhh.... and then strangle you again once you cooled down.

Huff-Po; give me a freaking break.
(Greg Gutfeld is excepted from this.)

1.5 Junky-ass IEC rated "industrial" starters and contactors, and those *$#@!%$^&* stupid industrial finger-safe, European-style contact and terminal blocks!!!!

Man! I just want to carpet-bomb all of Europe every time I have to use those!!!
(No offense to my UK buddy, Peter C. Glover. He's way cool!!)
Totally gay and aggravating and stoopid.

and the number one for the list:

1. Holy crap! Yes, this is really real, and really gay: Spray On Mud

From the British manufacturer's site:
If you’ve got a 4X4 or off-roader, Sprayonmud will send a message to anyone who disapproves or is just plain envious – you use your off-roader, off the road as well as on it.
What, you can't get real mud? Sissy.
What's next, rainbow colored mud? Sheesh!
Verdict: It's elementary, my dear Watson! Way gay.

Well, that's it for the new gay list.
Stop back soon, where we will delve into what is gay or not.
Because you wouldn't want to look gay...
(Not that there's anything wrong with that!)

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