Tuesday, January 17, 2006

If Only.

Next, on 24.

Jack discovers the mole has been exchanging information with known traitors and terrorist-coddling, leftist tree-huggers.

Using a fundraiser raising money for out-of-work terrorist, Jack rounds up Moore, Kennedy, Murtha, Reid, Pelosi, and several others.
Once at the fundraiser, he lures them to a warehouse with a hippy whistle.

A hippy whistle is like a deer whistle or duck call, but it makes a sound like

"Help, I'm being oppressed by evil conservatives, and I need a late term abortion and some more welfare!!!"

"Aaaagghhh! Someone's driving an SUV and they're not rich actors or politicians!"

Jack then subsequently tortures them by saying a prayer to Jesus and shoving Ronald Reagan pictures in their faces ("THIS IS A REAL PRESIDENT, YOU F***ING TRAITOROUS COMMIES!!! YOU PROBABLY LIKE SINKING LOGIC CONTROLS, TOO!!!).

Of course, the spineless leftists immediately spill their guts (and not a small amount of urine, either) and tell Jack everything.

Once Jack has the information, he lets them go summarily executes them for crimes against the state.
He is aquitted one week later by a jury of his peers real Americans.

But wait! Where's Al Gore?!?!?

Beep-boop, beep-boop, beep-boop...

Crossposted on Blogs 4 Bauer.

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