Thursday, February 16, 2006

Filthy Lies About Wyatt.

A "Mr." Wyatt Earp not only beat me out of first place in the Best Personal Blog award, over at Bloggin' Out Loud, but likewise in the most recent GOP and the City's unparalleled and cool Weekend Caption Contest.

This is obviously a conspiracy to have people with a better product and more talent come out ahead in the free market.
We can not have this. It isn't fair.
Phhhht. Competition.

Therefore, I am calling my committeeman.
I'm a union guy, and I have seniority over Wyatt in the blogododecahedron.
If my grievance avails me nothing, I may have to strike.
This could get ugly....

So, with full (perceived) justification and an abundance of self-righteous indignation, I present these filthy lies about Wyatt (from Support Your Local Gunslinger):

1. Wyatt's name is a nickname derived from him saying "Why Not", all the time.
Like "Why not vote for Democrats and hippies?", and "Why not murder hobos and truck-stop prostitutes?."

2. Wyatt once claimed he sweated butter, but really he sweats margarine, which has tons of triglycerides, and is far more hazardous to humans and kittens.


3. Wyatt was once seen leaving a Kmart- with a Michael Moore film he purchased!!!

4. Wyatt was promoted to detective.
No word on the other six mysteriously missing cops that were up for the same job.....

5. Wyatt blogs for Blogs 4 Bauer, but secretly is glad Kim is gone (YOU BASTARD!!!).

6. Wyatt is from Philly, a known haven for commies and libs. It is called the "City of Brotherly Love" which is Philly street-code for "We love Chairman Mao!!".

7. Wyatt was the second shooter in Texas....
Twice (1963, 2006).

8. I'm not saying there's graft in the Philly PD, but a Lamborghini, Wyatt??

9. Best Personal Blog award? How about the
"I'm In League with the Dark Overlord, Big Oil, Baby-Seal Clubbers, and the Mob, So No One Can Beat Me" award?

10 Although he blogs for Blogs 4 Bauer, Wyatt is actually a huge fan of "Will and Grace" because it is quote "well written, and tackles the important political and social issues of our time", and "that sassy Jack is just so darned charming!".
This may explain his unexpressed glee over the fact that Kim is missing from 24.

11. Wyatt Earp's last name sounds like a belch, which is disgusting.
Funny, but disgusting.

12. Remember that movie "From Justin to Kelly"?
Yep. Wyatt.
I hope this has unduly influenced you to vote for ME next time, and not that other dude!!!

I'm jimmyb and I fabricated approved this message.

No comments: